Bringing Xiao-Ling Home

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

2008-02-08T18:15:00.001+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all. If you're Chinese, Jewish and living in the West, you have three chances per year for a fresh new start. Welcome to the Year of the Rat! Mozart was a Rat, Churchill was a Rat; I'm a Rat who married a Rooster and we're the proud parents of a team of Horses (what - no Pigs??). Here's the latest saga of our barnyard menagerie:

Last night we got together with the kids and our neighbors, whose daughter is from Nanjing and is Harry's best friend at school. Naturally we went out for a great Chinese meal. When the fortune cookies came (note: this is a purely American tradition; there are no fortune cookies in China) we read them all out loud with the usual guffaws. I joked as usual that my fortune was "Learn Chinese", when suddenly there was a small but significant sound at my elbow. I looked down to see that Xiao-Ling was pronouncing the Chinese word on the back of my fortune, which I had not yet said out loud.

My daughter can't read English yet, but I handicapped her anyway by covering the English transliteration of the word so she could only see the Chinese characters, and she pronounced it again.

To make sure that I was not dreaming, I asked to see somebody else's fortune paper and, again without pronouncing the word on the back, showed Xiao-Ling only the character. She read this one as well. It was "Deng" (Wait). I repeated it after her. She corrected my inflection. I repeated it again and she said, "Yesss."

That's it, then. Our daughter is her own red thread between her birthplace and her growing-up place. We had heard from Sabrina that our daughter knew a few characters but apparently they've really sunk in. Now we have a new goal: to teach her English without costing her any Mandarin. After all, a Messiah has to be able to communicate with everybody. L'Shanah Tovah!

Looking back on our trip to China with love

2008-01-27T11:17:00.000+08:00

Here are some emails we sent and received when we first arrived in Beijing:

Subject: nI HAO! We have arrived and ARE FINE!!!!

Dear Mom and everyone,

>>Good morning my darling Harry! We love you!<<

Here we are at the SAS Radisson in Beijing. We're going to rest for awhile, then go out and buy bottled water (can't drink or brush teeth with tap water here) before we have a good clean-up after the plane. More details will be on the blog in a few minutes, so follow the continuing saga of Bringing Xiao-Ling Home! Now things are starting to get exciting.

Love,
Mark & Jacquie
===================
From: Aunt Jackie in Westchester

hi jacquie & mark...

i think there's a dash between xiao and ling in the address of the blog because it didn't get highlighted in blue in my email...just fyi

harry is very good and listened to your phone message this morning. i had a dentist's appt and he came with me AND HE GOT TO PICK A PRESENT FROM THE TOY CHEST!

afterward we went to pizza pizzazz where we had guess what for lunch and he got to play games in their little arcade...with his winning tickets he got to pick a prize...are you so proud? a whoopie cushion!

his favorite thing to do was play test drive where he sits and steers a car on the video screen...

love to you all - hope the day was great!

mark: glad your dream was just a dream and you picked the right starbucks!

love,

ps harry sends kisses and love...

===========================

great to hear from you, my and zeida's wishes are with you. much love ,
grandma bubbe Molly

===========================

We are soooooooooooooooooooo excited for you. The blog is wonderful. Mom just called and said that she spoke to her granddaughter!!!! Zowee!!!! Sounds like she is a real sweety!

ENJOY

Love you! Elaine & Elliott

=====================

Everytime I come home, I run to the computer to see if there is nore on the blog or an e mail from you. This is soooooooooo wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xiao-Ling sounds and looks adorable. Quite a little independent little girl! We are hanging on your every word!!!!

Love you.

Off to bed-- it is 11:21 PM and time for some shut eye.

More tomorrow.

Love,

Elaine
===========================

I am thrilled with all your messages. She sounds like a real sweetheart. Talked to Harry, he actually talked to me, seems very happy & they love him. So what's not to love !!! Hope you get this Love Mom, Mama Omi.

=======================
Jacquie,

I have been devotedly reading your blog and am quite in love with our newest little one. She looks so American in her little jeans! I know the anxieties you both are facing and yet in a year, not really, probably like six months, they will be long gone memories. She will be watching sponge-bob with Harry and they will be fighting as if they have always been brother and sister. And they have, they just didnt know it the day they were born.

And now for something totally different. I was reading the comments on the blog and one person asked you to bring them back a Starbuck's mug. I too collect Starbuck's stuff, but only the cards that you put money on. If you wont mind, would you pick me up every different one that you see? They are free and you dont have to load any money on them. It would be a real coup for me to have Starbuck's cards from China. I would be totally indebted to you. Selfish, I know, but my gratitude runs deep.
Missy
kisses to you and X-L. what a sweetie.

==============================

Back to the voice of the mom now. Xiao-Ling loves Spongebob Squarepants! All I have to do is sing or whistle "who-lives-in-a-pineapple-under-the-sea" and she responds in perfect rhythm!

The Name of the Dame

2008-01-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

On Sunday we formally, publicly welcomed Xiao-Ling into the Jewish community. At last, we unveil her names to you:

Given name: Miriam Xiao-Ling Leora Shuchat-Marx

Hebrew Name: Ariel Rina Devorah bat [daughter of] Moshe David v'heHazzan Yaakova Leah

Here's the lowdown on how she got her names:

Miriam = for Mark's grandfather Morris "Red" Shuchat, whom I called Zeyde. Zeyde did live well into meeting and knowing Harry. We have some great photos and film of him all smiles as the wee boy crawls all over him. Also for Mark Whitt and for Marc Orchant, both of blessed memory.

Xiao-Ling = well d'uh, it's her birth name! Means "dawn bell."

Leora = for my paternal aunt Leonie, who raised my father from a pup, prepared his Bar Mitzvah luncheon of calves' foot jelly (in their Orthodox community I'd have to assume it was the front feet) and other South German delectables, cooked for at least five generations of family in her 94 years and could make "Don't fall" sound like "I love you."

Ariel = for my other paternal aunt Anny, who also raised my father from a pup, taught him how to live, and sent him home-knit and -sewn comforts while he fought in WWII - including a double-sized sleeping bag she'd made by fastening two together.

Rina = for our dear friend Renee, a lovely cantor who left us far too soon. Rina was Renee's Hebrew name and it means "singing."

Devorah = for another dear soul who left too early - my sweet Dara, the most loving wife, mother and friend you could possibly imagine, and the funniest too. Her heart was made of Torah.

it was a perfect day, surrounded by family, friends and congregation. What more could we ask?
Don't ask!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-06T22:39:00.001+08:00

Greetings, everyone. I know we've been terrible at keeping up with you. Last night was my first near-normal sleep since December 15. The kids are crazy about each other and we can't keep them asleep upstairs because they play all night, so they're sleeping in our room for the time being. I know, I know...but if somebody (namely Mark & me) don't get a proper rest, it won't be good for any of the four of us. So, onward!

This past Friday night, as we sat down to prepare lighting candles for Shabbat, Xiao-Ling said, "Baruch Atah!" before we even mentioned what we were about to do. Wow!

Ta-Ta for now.

The New Jew Review and Other Sleepless Tales

2007-12-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

It's been nearly two weeks since we've posted, and our lives have been crazy-hectic since our return. Some folks have opined that we should change the name of our blog since our daughter IS finally, technically home, but our journey is not yet done, at least until everyone sleeps all night in their designated bed. So for now we will keep our post-travel adventures under this same banner, and we thank everyone for keeping up with us.

Before our trip, our son Harry expressed to us his fear of no longer being the baby; of no longer being special to us. I assured him that love is a thing that grows as a family grows. This has come true to unbelievable proportions. In truth I was afraid that mine would be the only heart that couldn't adequately expand. Although my heart usually thinks before my brain does, I had kept my heart incredibly safe during the more than 2 1/2 years it took for us to crawl over the crags to get to our daughter. Would I be too exhausted at the end of our journey to love her properly?

When we got together with our daughter, all my fears fell away. My heart unlocked to receive her totally. She met us more than halfway on that score. But we did not feel like a family of four until we touched down in Newark and Harry was in our arms once more. And there was still work to be done; Harry had been left out of our first two weeks with his sister, and there was a heavy price to pay. Now we needed to lay all our love, and then some, on both kids.

It wasn't more than a few days before the little mister was his old self again. He fell in love with his sister right away (and she with him), which tided us over in the meantime. When he once more began soliciting hugs, kisses and "I love you"s (in English and in Mandarin) we knew we were back on the right road. Now they chatter constantly and each understands the other 99% of the time. He calls her Mei-Mei and she calls him Guh-Guh except for when she teases him and calls him Dee-Dee (little brother), which he thinks is a hoot.

The second most amazing discovery here is that everyone was right: the heart is indeed our most flexible muscle, with room to grow and expand for every special person we add into our lives. The most amazing discovery is how much more our love could grow for the child who was already in it. I love Harry more each time I see him, and not just because of the patience and guidance he displays toward his sister. His very soul has grown in the last two weeks, and it is a blessing to our entire family. There is nothing he wouldn't do for Xiao-Ling.

As for the cats, they are besides themselves with joy. They swan around the house purring loudly all day; they check on their newest "kitten" with nuzzles and more purrs, and end up in Mark's or my arms, buzz-bombing us with halleluyahs that plainly say, Thank you, thank you for bringing her home! We can't believe we have another baby to take care of and we love it love it love it!

Our first major outing as a family came five days after we got home: to the mikveh in Teaneck, where our little one formally Joined the Tribe. I went into the water with her. She looked awfully cute but I can't post that picture here. So I'll post its opposite: the first-ever published photo from the POV of the Ritual Bath - check out the smiling rabbis, all good friends of ours, who served as our Beit Din:

So this is what it looks like to watch somebody turn into a Jew! The short one in front has yet to be ordained: he is still known as Guh-Guh.

Yesterday our daughter turned five. We had a family-only celebration with lasagna and cake. Xiao-Ling joined in the singing of "Happy Birthday." I can't believe we are the parents of two five-year-olds. Mark and I have Jewish twins. It's amazing.

The hardest part comes at night. At first we put each kid in his/her own bedroom, but they got up and partied way into the night. Then we put Harry and Xiao-Ling into her bedroom together and...they got up and partied all night. As much as he loves her, he soon got tired of getting up to play, so she did it alone. Then she would cry like an infant when we put her back in bed - dozens of times in one night. We tried a few times to wait until she fell asleep on one of us (after she was in her PJs) but the moment she felt her body being laid prone, she woke up and cried to break your heart. By this time we were putting her in a toddler bed at the foot of our bed (our bedroom is on the main floor) and putting Harry in the guest room (same level) because he didn't want to be the only one sleeping upstairs. I know I haven't had a full night's sleep in two weeks. That's never happened to me before.

Last night it finally hit me: The infant-like weeping, the clinging to me in her sleep unlike any interaction when she's awake, the refusal to sleep alone - it all added up. Between the orphanage and the foster-care center, she's never had a room to herself. The first ten months of her life are a mystery, but chances are she has never slept they way we're all used to sleeping, or at least napping, immediately after we're born: cuddled up to a parent, assimilating his or her aroma, receiving unconditional physical care. The term "kangaroo care" comes to mind (see Internet) and I spent the the entire night holding my youngest. Although she isn't a preemie and both parties were fully pajama'd, Xiao-Ling had her most restful night yet Stateside. Before she can graduate to somnulent independence, she must first experience what every baby is entitled to: a hand-on feeling of love that guards her while she slumbers. I feel quite confident that she won't still require this when she graduates college, but for now it's necessary. Shabbat Shalom - we'll keep you posted!

Jersey Girl

2007-12-19T09:47:00.001+08:00

Fresh off the plane: here is a sleepy little miss enjoying her first lolly on American soil.

Good news: Harry's arm isn't broken, it's wrenched and bruised. He has a follow-up Friday with his orthopedist.

Bad news: These kids aren't getting much sleep, and neither are we. They love each other to pieces (yay) but stay up all night to celebrate siblinghood (boo). Plus, Xiao-Ling's digestion is still on Beijing time so when she does sleep she wakes up at 2 and 3am to holler for food or to be taken to the potty. How is it possible for this silver-bell-fairy-voiced little pipsqueak be so all-fired LOUD in the dead of night? It's not as if she inherited a big mouth! And yet when she woke up this morning, it was once again fairy time. Her sleepy, sweet smile with that gap-toothed grin belied any ruckus, past or present. Sheeesh.

Harry's spirits have risen as his arm improves. Every time he comes home from school or wakes up, the first thing he wants to do is check on his Mei-Mei.

Q:How To Make Shabbat Last Twice As Long

2007-12-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

A. 1.Go to Beijing Capital Airport at 3 in the afternoon
2.Board flight CO88 for Newark, New Jersey
3.Take off at 5pm
4.Land in Newark same day, 40 minutes later
5.Remember: Steps 3-4 take 13 hours to complete.

We have landed. All our stuff arrived just fine, and....drum roll please! May I introduce the newest citizen of the United States of America, Miss Xiao-Ling Shuchat-Marx! As we officially entered U.S. soil through the "Foreigners" queue as instructed, we were escorted to a special security area where we sat comfortably for almost an hour while they got to her file. As soon as the immigrations officer pronounced her a citizen, her dad and mom broke into a loud "Shehechiyanu" followed by an even louder rendition of "Stars & Stripes Forever."

Harry met us outside the security area with his Saba and Savta, and all present were most enchanted with their new sister and granddaughter, respectively. Xiao-Ling took to her brother like a duck to water. She won his heart by repeating everything he said; by offering to share her Tootsie Pop with a devastating smile; and by saying, "I LUB-you, Gur-Gur." We got home late after stopping for food staples, and I have not been to bed yet except for a short nap. It has been a pleasure to settle in. Xiao-Ling is crazy about her room. She received a huge package of clothes from her Ayeh Karen, who is obviously not planning to send her kids back to college next semester from the size of this gift!

First bedtime at new home was absolutely delicious. She loves the cats. Gingie spent bedtime on Xiao-Ling's bed; he's obviously delighted to have a new baby to look after. We read her two adoption classics: The White Swan Express, which we mentioned earlier, and Rose Lewis' I Love You Like Crazycakes. She enjoyed them but pointed out that the mother pictured in Crazycakes is really an ayeh. Okay, that's her story and she's sticking to it. Also, when she opened the book to the page illustrating the babies being cared for in the orphanage, she sang, "Ohh Mei-Mei, Mei-Mei," for quite a while and pointed at each baby in turn as she did so. Just before Sh'ma I got lots of kisses rained on me, and was told, "I LUB-you veh'mush!" My feet haven't touched the ground since.

It's important to mention that Harry is very excited but his feelings are quite conflicted. He and his sister had fun gabbing in the backseat on our way home and he's enjoying the love she showers on him, but he says that at the same time he feels out of the loop. After being part of our threesome for more than five years, he had to endure three weeks away from us while we forged a bond with Xiao-Ling in his absence. That's a tough one and I wish we could have done things differently but he would have chafed all the way through China. The hardest part of this whole adventure was being separated from him for three weeks. He seems to have grown and aged by leaps and bounds in our absence. I will do all in my power to heal his spirit from any damage we may have caused him in the quest for his sister. Ana Eil na r'fa na lo - God, please heal my boy and help me to mend his hurt.

There is something else - Harry had to go to the ER tonight with what turned out to be a "bend" fracture in his left arm. Apparently he was crawling under something earlier today at his aunt & uncle's house, and fell on his own arm. He was favoring it significantly, but cried in pain at one point and that's not like him. Mark was with him in ER and Xray until they came home at 5am. Harry now has a splint and we'll take him to an orthopedist on Monday for a cast, which he'll have to wear for at least four weeks. Guilt screams in my inner ear. Ana Eil na r'fa na lanu...

If It's Friday, This Must Be Beijing

2007-12-14T23:56:00.001+08:00

For our last evening in Guangzhou on Wednesday most of the families wanted to get together for dinner, babies included. We decided on Italian (not Pizza Hut, my dears) because it usually has something for everyone. My daughter sat on my lap and fed me salad and pasta. We shared these dishes with great mutual delight. Mark thought his tomato juice was a bit strange until we each took a cursory taste and found that it was made from - yep, you guessed it - fresh tomatoes, not canned. Shazam -how delicious! Mark also asked for chopsticks and got laughed at by the nice Chinese waitstaff at this fine Italian establishment.

Next morning we left the hotel at 7am with another family (from Wichita), escorted to the airport by CHI's fabulous Elsie. Mark & I had bought an extra suitcase on the trip, as had most of the other families. It was our only bag that was a whopping 2 kilos overweight and the nice airline staff didn't even blink. Bless 'em - and we have since re-strategized the packing so that won't happen when we leave China). When we arrived in Beijing we were met by Lina from CHI and of course Tang the wonderful van driver. CHI, if you're reading this, which I hope you are, our family wants you to know that every one of your "family" have been absolutely terrific to us from day one. Thanks to you, we have felt completely cared-for these past two weeks and change. And yes, I'm naming names: Sabrina, Elsie, Melody, Dennis, Tang, Lina, Chloe, Jessie and Simon.

Beijing's cold weather was a welcome relief to us after nearly two weeks of off-season (to us) temperatures. We had every intention of settling in quickly at the hotel and then doing a little sightseeing, but somebody said she was hungry. So we went to lunch, and that person (who shall go nameless) decided she didn't want to eat anything, just before she fell asleep in her soup. The lovely dining staff allowed us to literally carry all of her still-full dishes and glasses upstairs to our room so she could have a nap (which she didn't take) and eat later (which she finally did). So Thursday turned into day of rest, packing for the trip home, and making plans for Friday.

Our last full day in China was chock-full of adventure. We are near the end of our tour but other CHI families at the hotel are just beginning theirs. At breakfast we met a mother-to-be from Chicago who is set to fly to Nanjing to meet her daughter tomorrow. We wished her well, told her that we know she is going to have an amazing experience, and exchanged hugs. How much we have in common even though we just met for few minutes!

Then we met Jason and Theresa from Kansas City, along with Chloe and Tang who were ready to take us to the Great Wall. I go straight into cocker spaniel mode whenever I get into a van or a cab here. It doesn't matter where we're going or what route we take (I have no sense of direction here anyway); I enjoy every moment of the trip and hang on every inch of every block to watch people, signs and sights. As a result I was the first to spot part of the Wall as soon as it became visible from the van. Hee-heeeeee! And we climbed a decent part of it, by golly.

Got back to the hotel for a couple hours' rest and this time ventured out alone as a family. Next stop: The Forbidden City. The cab let us out at the east entrance,

but you actually have to enter at the south entrance, so we began a lovely half-mile walk at the edge of the river / lake bordering the City.

Of course countless mini-cabs, scooter cabs and map sellers descended on us at this point (I think they have a deal going with the cabbies) and all of the "Bu-xie-xie" (no thank you) in the world couldn't keep them from following us for nearly a third of our journey. Finally one intrepid fellow said, "You need tour guide?" "Bu-xie-xie" we responded. He asked, "Who is your guide?" I indicated our daughter, asleep on her Ba-ba's shoulder, and said, "SHE is."

We didn't actually go inside to see treasures and thrones and things because it was nearly closing time, but we did get inside the gates.

After awhile we joined the exit procession and came out onto Tien An Men Square.

'Twas extremely crowded, and everyone wanted to get a glimpse of the changing of the guard / retirement of the colors. But we were swept afar by those in command, so it was time to walk. Our route took us eastward next to the Forbidden City Walls, and after half an hour we came to a charming little oasis of a restaurant inside the actual city, where we were tended to as if we were little lost children. For the life of me I don't know the name of the place, because it was the only thing on the menu that wasn't transliterated, but I brought home some matches and so will ask folks in the know just where it was we had dinner.

Our kind hosts caught us a cab, and our next stop was, finally, to get to Shabbat services. Kehillat Beijing is a small Reconstructionist congregation located in what's actually the Capitol Club Athletic Center. When we arrived, I joked that I knew we had arrived at shul by all the Christmas trees in the lobby. The third-floor auditorium was our ultimate venue.

About 30 people of all ages, from all over the world, made up the lay-led congregation, and Maya, our sh'lichat tzibbur (service leader) made us very welcome indeed. In fact, she invited our family to lead the candle blessing and Mark to lead Kiddush.

Let me point out here that this was not Xiao-Ling's first time in a synogogue. Her foster family is also Jewish, and two years ago she attended High Holy Day services in California. This was just the first time she had taken her parents to shul and we were quite pleased to be escorted by such lovely company who was obviously used to the surroundings.

In fact she felt so at home that she followed along in the prayerbook, flirted with Barry who sat next to us, and stood next to Maya with a book for much of the service. She did not horse around once (Harry, are you reading this??).

Barry gave a great d'var Torah on the weekly portion, VaYigash. This is the point in Joseph's story where he reunites with his brothers. Twenty-two years after they tried to kill him and then sold him into slavery, Joseph is now viceroy of Egypt and his brothers do not recognize him. It's easy to take the soft road into interpreting this family's reunion of forgiveness, but Barry made a good case for Joseph's continued anger against his family, which is why he sets such harsh boundaries for giving them food in time of famine. In the past two decades and change, Joseph has used separation to solve family problems, at least for the time being; a method heretofore successful in avoiding conflict [bloodshed?] between Abraham and Lot; Isaac and Ishmael; Jacob and Esau.

Two thoughts occurred as I listened: Robert Frost's great quote, "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors," and our trip to the Great Wall that morning. This world's biggest physical boundary represents safety, protection, exclusion, embrace and countless other images. I reflected that only when we raise a fence, when we reduce to simplest terms that which we can and cannot do without, when we acknowledge who and what we are within these self-set boundaries, can we open a door in this fence to allow other elements back in. Barry ended on a slightly deceptive cadence; he concluded that ultimately separation was not what Joseph and his family needed. I disagree because only when Joseph had time to rebuild his torn life as best he could (and with God's help) could he move on to forgive his brothers. Unfortunately, sometimes this takes many, many years.

Some words and deeds are unforgivable. Few would disagree that attempted murder and human trafficking fall into that category. Current events continue to provide further examples. Embarrassing another person in public is among the worst. But if we cannot find forgiveness for any other reason, we must do so for our own personal healing and well-being. Forgiveness doesn't mean going back to the relationship's original dance, but should bring about a new normal. I've long subscribed to Bette Midler's film company, All-Girl Productions' motto ("We Hold a Grudge"). But if we refuse to build doors of re-entry into the Great Wall or the Good Fence that surrounds our souls, how can we heal from life's inevitable hurts? We could never be ready for life's joys or worse yet, even see them coming. I could never fully treasure the most holy gifts God has given me: Mark, Harry and Xiao-Ling. And I do mean to treasure them.

So yes, walls and fences are necessary. Don't be quick to tear them down or to subscribe to anyone else's timeline of your own refuge within. But don't forget the doors and windows that let in the sun, the wind, the tears of rain, and a view of the goodness that lies ahead.

Barry is an expert on fence-building and -mending. He mediates between U.S. and Chinese teams to facilitate matters of international infrastructure. I'm so grateful for his teaching; it really made my Shabbat.

We stayed at the Oneg Shabbat for hours. There were so many fascinating people including a five-day-old couple still in early blush, and a translator for Chinese sports teams who is the only Jew living on Hainan Island (boy, did we bond over Hainan!) and who may be covering the Olympics next summer. Marian's Mandarin is extensive; she's taken many immersion courses in writing and speaking the language (she even texts in it!) and gave Xiao-Ling a lecture on manners that stopped our daughter cold after she grabbed food from my plate. Here is a photo of Marian and our daughter:

At last we poured our weary selves into the last cab of the day and headed back to the hotel. We were all exhausted but wouldn't have traded the day for anything. And now (I can't say "tomorrow" because I waited until "today" to post) we're ready for a bit of relaxation before the van comes to take us to the airport at 2:30. Every particle of our trip to China has been fabulous. Sabrina just called. She's back from her vacation to Hunan (her home province) and misses us very much, as we do her. I hope she'll come to the States for a visit, because we are ready to receive her!

And now, it's time to look forward to all the good things that await us at home. Hugs from Harry, cuddles from the cats, tucking our little girl into her new pink bedroom, settling in as a family of four, and seeing the joy our daughter will kindle in everyone. Shalom Beijing!

Another Brick in the Wall

2007-12-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

Slight change of plans this morning - another CHI family went to a section of the Great Wall of China which is about an hour north of Beijing, so we tagged along. One of the original seven wonders of the world, the Wall snakes along the country's former northern border and was designed to keep out Mongol invaders. Today, the only invaders at the Wall are tourists. Which includes us, I suppose.

Climbing the Wall as it snakes up and down mountains is not for the faint of heart.

And indeed, signs along the path make visitors aware of this fact:

Climbing the Wall, even a small portion of it, is supposed to be something to really brag about. Or at least the many souvenir vendors would have us believe.

It was cold and windy up there, so I indulged and bought myself a warm hat, in which I posed with our little girl for the obligatory hero shot.

As did Mama.

We hope to make it over to the Forbidden City and Tienanmen Square this afternoon before Shabbat services tonight at Kehillat Beijing. More to come!

Back to Beijing

2007-12-13T16:40:00.000+08:00

Well, here we are right back in Beijing for a couple of days of pure sightseeing. We were going to go to the city's fabled Silk Market but someone (hint: she'll be five years old in exactly two weeks) was exhausted and had a bit of a fit over lunch (which she refused to eat after asking for it) so we're back in our hotel room. Maybe we'll get out later.

Tomorrow, we're hoping to visit the Forbidden City and Tienanmen Square. These two sites symbolize China's past, both recent and ancient. More to come.

FAQs

2007-12-12T22:14:00.000+08:00

For the folks at home, whether or not you are contemplating adoption in the future, here are the answers to some of the questions you may have.

Q: Why China?
A: Why not China? But seriously, China has millions of children who need parents and there are millions of parents out there who need children. So it's a match made in heaven.

Q: Is adoption expensive?
A: Frankly, yes. There are travel expenses (yours and the agency staff's, international and in-country), administrative expenses (tons of paperwork for you and for professionals such as notaries, translators, medical staff, lawyers, social workers, etc), fingerprinting and orphanage contributions which are factored in. This is just the tip of the iceberg and we are by no means accountants, but this gives you some idea.

Q: How long does adoption from China take?
A: We're not going to kid you here; we spent more than two and a half years on the journey to Xiao-Ling and it was that short only because she was declared a special-needs child. Certain time factors remain out of your hands, such as document-processing turnaround time, the number of families adopting at once (this is a good thing) and government bureaucracy both at home and abroad. Remember to stay in touch with the team that's helping you to adopt your child; you can call them often with questions but be nice! Today's glitches will be soon forgotten, especially (1) when you know they're beyond your control, and (2) when you're holding that bundle of love.

Q: What should I pack to bring to China?
A: You'll need plenty of clothes for whatever climate you'll be in, and make sure to check weather conditions for where and at what time of year you're going. Our December trip has ranged from 30° in Beijing to 80° or more in Haikou and Sanya. Guangzhou is pretty warm too, and everyone goes to Guangzhou. If we had planned a little better, we would have brought more warm-weather shirts and found a way to leave our winter coats in Beijing until we got back at the end of our trip. But we managed nonetheless. You have to plan for your child's clothes as well, since you'll be bringing about a suitcase-worth of clothes for him or her.

The things we didn't have to bring but you probably will are diapers and formula. Our daughter is nearly five and potty trained - now we're trying to train her not to use up a whole roll of toilet paper every time she goes to the bathroom! It would not be out of the question to include bathing suits, sunscreen and winter hats and gloves for both you and your child. You will receive a list of your child's measurements as an aid to shopping for clothes stateside prior to your trip.

Bring Ziploc bags, both quart- and gallon-size. We were very grateful for this tip before we packed. They enable you to separate snacks from lotions, garbage from non-garbage and medications from anything else. They're also good for dirty clothes in a pinch.

Q: Anything I should not bring to China?
A: Pick your reading material carefully. Don't bring anything that can be construed as critical of Mao Zedong, the Chinese government, etc. Granted, you won't have much time for reading, but it's good to keep in mind.

You don't need to bring snacks, as they're available everywhere.

Also please check your attitude at the border. Leave behind any notion that the good people of China are here to do your bidding. You are here as a guest; an honored guest, but a guest nonetheless. Not everything is going to go as it does at home, nor is it supposed to. You are here to become parents and you are here as an ambassador. Don't do anything that would make anyone happy to see you leave.

Q: Will I need to learn Chinese before coming?
A: If you're adopting an child under 2, not at all. There will be a guide with you almost all the time. Due to our daughter's age, we wanted to learn a few words and our guides were very helpful with that. At this point, we understand each other 95% of the time even though we address our daughter mostly in English and she speaks to us almost entirely in Mandarin.

Remember that "please" and "thank you" are your tickets to the world. You should learn these words in the language of any country you visit. It also never hurts to buy a pocket dictionary for translation on the go.

Q: So how's the food?
A: Pretty darn good, but since we both love Asian food in general and Chinese food in particular, we may not be typical in this respect. People will also tell you that Chinese food in China is different from Chinese food in America, but this is true only if your idea of Chinese food is store-brand frozen egg rolls. Whether you enjoy noodles, rice, vegetables, different kinds of meat or all of the above, we promise you'll find something you enjoy without having to stray too far from your comfort zone.

If you read some of our earlier posts, you can check out some of the new foods we tried, such as dragon fruit, congee, duck eggs and star fruit. If you're willing to be a bit adventurous, you might be pleasantly surprised. However, do not under any circumstances use tap water here for drinking or brushing your teeth without boiling it first; not even the natives do that.

Q: When do I get to meet my child?
A: As soon as possible, depending on where he or she is located. Your first meeting will be filmed by agency staff, so don't worry about the Hollywood aspect of this important moment. Relax (hah!) and let your child take the lead. Bring along an unwrapped cuddly gift - we chose a pig because this is the Year of the Pig. (Xiao-Ling takes it everywhere and calls it Zhu-Zhu, which is a very loose translation of "Piggly Wiggly.") Bask and enjoy.

If you have any other questions, just ask them in comments or E-mail us privately.

A Three-Hour Tour (sort of )

2007-12-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

Back on Shamian Island, the babies received their medical exams to make sure they had no communicable diseases. It was supposed to take just a short while and then we would have until noon to wander the island, shop and hang out until we met for lunch at noon. Our girl passed with flying colors but things went a bit slowly for us. First they couldn't quite find her file. Then we needed to get into a special line for bigger kids (she would be weighed and measured on a standing scale, not the produce-style one most doctors use for infants). Then in the middle of everything: "Wuo niao-niao!" - guess who had to go to the bathroom.

My daughter and I were hustled through the slim, crowded corridors to a ladies room that - you guessed it - featured the native variety of commode that give new meaning to the term, "hole-in-the-wall" (see earlier posting by Mark, with illustration, if you need further help here). After more than a week with us, Xiao-Ling was used to American-style powder-rooms. Fine by me. We toddled back to the doctor's office, which adjoined accommodations that were much more accommodating. Unfortunately while we were in there my child 1) took her usual sweet time with thorough self-santization and 2) accidentally knocked a roll of paper to the floor. When I bent over to pick it up, the pen behind my ear slid into the bowl with a farewell splash. Needless to say, I have written my last word with that quill, but worse yet, it jammed up the pipes. Oh hell and botheration. That medical staff was awfully sweet about it.

On with the medical exam. They measured the length of each leg, the circumference of her head, and tested her arm mobility. Things checked out pretty well, and we were eager to skip out of there and have some leisure time because we were the last family in there. As we skibbled out the front door, wait for it, wait for it...

"Come back! Come back!" the voice of our guide Dennis beseeched us. Turns out they needed to measure the length of one of her surgical scars. Soooooo close! By the time we got out of there we had only 45 minutes, and Xiao-Ling needed to play. Before we found a playgrosund and it wasn't long before our darling was back to her old self and demonstrating her derring-do on the slides.

Shamian Island is also a nice spot for brides and grooms to have their outdoor wedding photo sessions, which are fun to watch. Our guide Simon told us that these are never done on the actual wedding, but several days to weeks in advance. Guess that explains the bride's dungarees under her gown when she walks from venue to venue for the next photos.

Lunch was at a very homey restaurant where we sat at huge round tables with Lazy Susans in the middle and ate mostly dim sum along with fresh steamed broccoli and little bowls of beef broth. Absolutely delicious. Mark thought our meal was a bit American because the selections felt familiar, but I reminded him that he and I do not favor egg rolls or sweet-and-sour swill and therefore we have always been attuned to food that's a little more Chinese than Chinese-American. Xiao-Ling only wanted to eat the egg custard tarts and nearly turned into one herself. Normally I would have picked that battle but she'd had such a rough morning that I let it go.

We are very, very homesick for Harry. I miss him so much and can't believe we will have been separated for three weeks. When we see him, I get to hug him first. His sister shows his picture to absolutely everyone and cannot wait to take a bite out of him either.

The Year of the Bull

2007-12-12T20:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a free day so Mark & Xiao-Ling and I returned to Shamian Island to finish our gift-buying. Since the old consulate is located on the island and all the babies still receive their medical exams there (plus of course the White Swan Hotel is there), there's quite a trade in adoption souvenirs, such as T-shirts and caps that say "Jieh-jieh" (big sister), "Guh-guh" (big brother), "Mei-Mei" (little sister), "Ba-Ba" (father) and "Ye-Ye" (grandfather). These are just the tip of the iceberg; of course there are traditional Chinese gifts of all kinds as well, and everything is beautiful, well-made, and relatively inexpensive. The shopkeepers can smell us coming a mile away and greet you at least that far in advance in order to take you for a nice chatty stroll to what happens to be their store, where they are more than ready to butter us up into buying out their entire store.

"Hal-lo...American right? Very, very handsome. You most beautiful American man / woman / family I have ever seen. So good-looking. And smart too. I can tell you very very smart and wise. And you love daughter. This girl very very lucky. She love you very very much. Best baby I ever seen. You want nice outfit / jade / barrettes / shoes / toys / condominium for her?" Okay, the condo part is an exaggeration. I will give 'em this: everyone stands behind the quality of their stuff, and if you need to exchange something for any reason, you'll have good luck with hat. Poor Mark got re-named Mart, Mike, Michael, Mikey, Mack, Matt, Matty... at least he was addressed with a smile and that's what counts. Sure beats "Yacklin..."

One particular shopkeeper was adorable but so overzealous in currying our favor while we discussed the price and quality of a Chinese zodiac wall hanging that I guessed out loud she was born in the Year of the Bull. This made me not only the smartest and most beautiful woman who ever shopped in her store but also the funniest. Suffice it to say that when we return to China I think folks will be glad to see us. Which is of course one of the main points of being a good guest.

"I (I)...Your name...(Your name)..."

2007-12-12T20:32:00.000+08:00

Somebody is fighting off sleep with all her might. She had quite a busy day today: a trip to the Guangzhou zoo; dinner out with most of the other CHI families, and... getting her entry visa into the U.S. at the American consulate. We were given all of the packets and papers we need to hand-carry in order to bring children our into the promised land. Just before we all took the oath, the administering officer from Immigration said,

"Now, about that sealed brown packet we handed you: Do you open it?"

"NOooooooo!" we chorused, over dozens of crying babies, along with hundreds of other adoptive parents.
"Do you give it to the baby?"

"NOooooooo!"

"Do you check it with your luggage?"

"NOooooooo!"

I don't think this is how God and Moses got us out of Egypt but it works. When we actually took the oath, I had to read Mark's lips to get some of it because the babies drowned out part of it. But after all, without the children this wouldn't be happening, so their music gave the occasion a certain Gilbert & Sullivan cadence to the occasion: "We certify that everything... written and verbal is true (waaaaa waaaa)....to the best of our knowledge and certainty (waaaaaa waaaaaaa)."

Best highlight of the day: Xiao-Ling's newest English word is...."YES!"

Good night - we leave for Beijing bright and early in the morning.

Xiao-Ling, All-American

2007-12-12T14:22:00.000+08:00

Well, it's official. We went to the American consulate this afternoon and took the oath of citizenship on Xiao-Ling's behalf. She even raised her right hand when asked to do so!

We now have an IR3 immigrant visa pasted into our daughter's Chinese passport, which means that once we land in Newark and go through passport control, she will automatically become America's newest citizen. We really have quite a family. My ancestry is Russian, Jacquie's is German, our son is Korean and our daughter is Chinese. If all that doesn't make us 100% American, we don't know what does.

Tomorrow morning, we fly back to Beijing for a couple of days before we head back to America on Saturday. Most of the other CHI families, whose kids were scattered around China, were taken on tours of the Beijing area when they first landed. Because Xiao-Ling was actually in the capital when we met her, we were unable to do that. We thus plan to do a little touring there before we head for home.

First Hebrew Word

2007-12-11T06:19:00.000+08:00

Several nights ago as we were lighting the candles for Hanukkah, we sang the blessings and our daughter clearly said, "Baruch (Blessed)".

On the 7th night of Hanukkah she sang all the blessings with us. True, she doesn't yet know the words, but she hung on to the tune with all her might.

Tonight is the last night of Hanukkah. Wonder if she will tell the story of the Maccabees? She is quite like them - small but mighty, and tenacious. Don't know if they were as cute, though.

Showdown at the Guangzhou Corral

2007-12-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

We went to dinner tonight at an Azerbaijani restaurant named Baku, just down the street from our hotel. "Here is so pleasant to smoke hookah," the brochure says, and while we didn't encounter any hookah smoking there, we did have the first major battle of wills with Xiao-Ling.

After we were finished eating, our daughter was playing with the plastic number marker on the table indicating that we were sitting at table 4. She got a little too excited and knocked it onto the floor. Pick it up, we said. She just stared back at us with a very dirty look on her face. It was an expression which said, plain as day, that she understood us perfectly but didn't feel like complying, that she could stare us down whenever she felt like it.

Of course, we could not let her get away with this, so we returned her stare, with our daughter's gaze going back and forth between the two of us and with occasional repeated directives from us to pick up the marker. Since the restaurant is open 24 hours, Jacquie could and did legitimately promise not to let anyone go back to the hotel and to bed until Xiao-Ling picked up the marker. We even waved away the waitress who came over to pick it up for us, telling her that it was our daughter's job and she would do it come hell or high water.

No one gave an inch.

This went on for twenty-one minutes. I counted it on my watch.

Finally, Xiao-Ling's expression softened and she grinned. Her point made, that she could give as good as she gets, she bent over and picked up the marker. We all laughed and hugged, with lots of kisses and giggles, and all was forgiven.

Jacquie and Xiao-Ling in particular celebrated together by holding up the mother-daughter jade pendants they had gotten on Shamian Island earlier today. They each kissed their own pendant, then each others. Then there was much kissing of silken cheeks, puffed up with smiles and pride that we had all come through this narrow place together.

When we originally got our little girl's psych profile from China, it said that she was very stubborn. I guess she just proved it, and she fits quite well into this family filled with stubborn souls.

Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News

2007-12-10T14:55:00.000+08:00

We took Xiao-Ling for her medical check this morning. It wasn't a full medical exam, just a quick once-over to make sure that she has no communicable diseases. Which she doesn't, therefore she passed with flying colors.

Afterwards, we went for a walk, passing shops with various women's names (Jennifer's, Susie's, and so on) and we picked one with the improbable name of Hebe's to do a little shopping.

We got our daughter a traditional red silk outfit, after which all the families went to lunch. While we were out and about, we passed a number of sidewalk stalls roasting and serving various meats and fishes on skewers. Beef, chicken, pig, duck, etc, all were out there for the asking.

And right across the street was America's contribution to Chinese cuisine:

You know, this really isn't fair. China gave us the soybean, tofu, pasta, and other fine dishes. What do we give them in return? The Big Mac. No wonder waistlines are expanding all over the Middle Kingdom.

Tomorrow, our agency is taking Xiao-Ling's paperwork over to the American consulate for her visa processing. Assuming all goes as planned, we will go there in person on Wednesday so we can take the citizenship oath on our daughter's behalf.

Oh Where Oh Where Has My Yapee Dog Gone...

2007-12-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

Boo hoo hooo. We left our daughter's new backpack on the plane when we got off at Guangzhou (I forgot to mention this earlier). We remembered before we left the airport. The plane was still there but the cleaning crew couldn't find it.

Goodbye Yapee Dog! Goodbye Donkey! Goodbye pink-and-white Mary Jane sandal (we have your mate to remember you by) Goodbye Barbie Doll and finger puppets and saddest of all, goodbye photo album. We have another photo album exactly like you at home, captions and all. However, it does not contain the several photos at the end that CHI put in of Xiao-Ling and her friends.

I must say that she has borne the loss quite stoically, unlike her mama. We left word where we'd be staying in Guangzhou so I keep hoping Yapee Dog will eventually find its way home. Stranger things have happened.

Sunday in Guangzhou with Xiao

2007-12-09T17:10:00.000+08:00

Good afternoon yall, I'm no longer in drag but blogging you as the Jacqster herself. Our little peanut has reached the boiling point and is throwing a few things around because we said NO...she could not use fifty million tissues at once. Having thus employed the aforementioned "N" word, unlike many parents who are loath to do so, we have evinced the natural response, whose scientific name is Royal Hissy Fit (or, as we say in the south, Having a Fit and Falling In It). We removed anything breakable from within her reach, went on about our business, squelched all instincts to yell or otherwise let her push our buttons, and - hey, what do you know, she's back to sunshine within two minutes! Parents everywhere, do you need help disciplining your kids? Are you at the end of your tether with frustration? Forget SuperNanny. Pish-pish on Ritalin. Call 1-800-SHUCHAT-MARX! And don't let our son see this ad.

Let me go back a ways with you, even though I've pretty much been writing according to timeline. So much has happened to us and I'm not sure I've done it justice here. In Haikou on Hainan Province we spent two mornings at the office of the Ministry for the Department of Civil Affairs; the first to get the adoption rolling and the second to seal the deal. The papers must sit overnight in case - God forbid - the adoptive parents change their minds (what sane person would do that?!?) Our copies of the papers we filled out and signed tell nearly the entire story, but in sum we promised to raise Xiao-Ling as our daughter, to love her always and to never neglect or abandon her. No tough job there. The director and assistant director of our daughter's former orphanage had driven up from Sanya for the occasion. Xiao-Ling remembered them and lavished them with attention, hugs and that devastating smile. I'd like to point out here that she hadn't seen these folks since she was two. Clearly she had also crawled into a special place in their hearts, as she has with everyone she's met and will continue to do. A bit of trivia here: our daughter's birth name is Long Xiao-Ling; the registrar at the Ministry is named Li Xiao-Ling.

Mark and I endorsed our signatures with thumbprints; our daughter used her whole hand. Never have I seen such a dramatic shade of scarlet as in the ink with which we adopted each other. It didn't change color when it dried, either. Brrrr. I'll leave the fruits of my imagination to your conclusions. On the lighter side, it heightened the drama of what was now happening to our family -it had just grown! Sabrina, Miss Li, and the Sanya staff rejoiced with us.

We had to celebrate with a little shopping trip, so when we got back to the hotel we traipsed over to the department store to pick up shoes for Miss Tootsie-Toes. She also got a "Yapee-Dog" backpack, colored pencils and heaps of drawing paper with a pencil sharpener for her favorite activity, hua-hua (drawing). Now she was set to walk anywhere and she would always have something to do! In the morning we left for our next destination - Sanya, our daughter's birthplace.

Hainan Province is like another world. Sanya in particular felt like the edge of this one. As we traveled south for nearly five hours from Haikou by van last Wednesday, we passed farm after farm after farm; exquisitely plowed, carefully cultivated, powered only by water buffalo and elbow grease. The only tractors we saw were used in road construction. Mark and I are both animal-lovers and these powerful, gentle oxen were the first we ever saw outside of captivity. I kept heralding, "Moo alert!" The buffalo are silver-grey, humpbacked and big-horned; the "ox" on the Chinese calendar come to life. Sabrina says they are very tame and I was hoping to be able to pet one at some point but it didn't happen. Sad mooo...

Lots of rice paddies seemed to fly past us. They were also beautifully executed but one could see that they were no easy job to cultivate and maintain. And to think with what abandon we just tear into a serving of rice back home. Shameful. "Ha-Motzi Lechem Min Ha-Aretz" (the Hebrew blessing before eating, which praises God for bringing forth bread from the earth) becomes more meaningful than ever when wet, wrinkled fingers and feet are involved over a lifetime of labor.

The coconut palms, which appeared in great green number from the moment we first stepped onto Hainan Island, proved fruitful and multiplying as we headed south. Let me tell you about coconuts in their natural habitat. They are not brown and hairy. They are smooth and tannish-green. They are not the same sugar-sodden tryptophanic over-manufactured glazy foodstuff we call "coconut" back in the States. Nay, the noble coconut is a fruit. It's a juice. It's a meat. It's a milk. It's a soap. It's a soup. It's in coffee and in candy (but more nutty, less sweet, than you imagine). It's eaten with lamb, chicken and vegetables. Its liquid cradles steamed corn on the cob with kernels plump and tender. It's subtle, sweet and delicate, hale and hardy, piquant but memorable. Coconuts comprise a great deal of Hainan Island's industry, along with coffee and tourism. We find all three to be excellent endeavors.

Xiao-Ling's grieving sessions have grown farther apart in number as she adjusts to life with Mark and me. For the first three nights she was with us, she cried every night after Sabrina left at bedtime for her own hotel room. We held her gently, massaged her hands, sang softly as she wailed loudly, and kissed her tears. Even lately, this little lassie weeps when you look at her crosswise. She is learning that love means not always getting her way, but we do pay through the heart for it. She can give you a look that is pure poison (we haven't yet decided whether she outdoes Harry in that respect) and push you away when you try to reason with her, until she gets over it. But she sleeps through the night, wakes with lambent joy and calls our names as if we've always been together. And now for our song, which we sing together to the tune of Jeopardy. It's got two verses:

1.Happy girl, oh happy girl
Happy girl, oh haaaaaappy happy happy
Happy girl, oh happy girl
Hap-pee happy hap...py girl (boom boom)

2.I love you, oh I love you*
I love you, I LOVE...you love you love you
I love you, oh I love you
I...love you, oh I...Love...You (boom boom)

(* = pronounced "I lubyou" by guess who)

Even though we said we wouldn't overdo it, we have been calling home quite a bit because we're just too happy not to share it with our nearest and dearest. A couple of days ago we called Harry (which kind of backfired because it made him homesick for us and therefore a bit truculent with his aunt and uncle) and he and his sister talked for a couple of minutes. He said, "I love you, Mei-Mei" and she said, "I lubyou, Gur-Gur." Wow.

This morning we called my niece Rachel for her birthday. It was still yesterday where she is (and therefore still her birthday) so she was thrilled and so were we. Then we called my mother, Omi to her grandchildren. That was totally groovy. She got to talk to her new granddaughter for quite awhile. Xiao-Ling said, "Omi, I lubyou." Whatever Omi said in return remains between them, but we know it was good because our daughter was smiling and did not want to give up the phone. She also sang our special song (see lyrics above). My mother enjoys Jeopardy but she ain't never heard the theme song like this!

Tonight is the sixth night of Hanukkah. We have lit candles every night, using the hanukkiyah my late father made when he was a high-school boy in yeshiva in Frankfurt. That part of his life proved to be a light in the darkness that was the Holocaust. He was no longer allowed to go to school in his hometown of Frankenberg-an-der-Eder, a millenium-old town in Hesse where Jews and Christians had lived and worked side by side since the Enlightenment, and where he was raised in the Orthodox Mizrachi traditions that espoused loyalty to Israel before she became a state. But in his short-lived boarding school career he took on even more tradition and created this metal agent of light. To me that's even more miraculous than the ancient story of the single day's worth of oil that lasted eight days and eight nights. I never asked, and I'll never know, whether the hanukkiyah is the result of an assignment or inspiration; there's no one left alive who can tell me, and he created it long before he met my mother. But what counts is that he did make it, and like him, it survived the long dark night of terror. Like my father, it's also durable, and it travels extremely well. It has now celebrated Hanukkah with at least two sets of melodies for three generations, on three continents; in Germany, the United States, Israel and now in China.

Yesterday we left Hainan Island for the northern climate of Guangzhou in Guangdong province. Xiao-Ling made the trip far better than I did. I was out of sorts because we were out of clean clothes, we were on a crowded commuter flight that Mark dubbed "Goats 'n Chickens Air" and I was worried about the next transition: in Guangzhou we would part from our companion Sabrina for the rest of our trip. We enjoyed her so much; it wasn't just because she made our little one so happy and eased our travel and communication situation. Sabrina would answer any question, no matter how trivial it seemed. We shared meals, tried the local snacks of dried fish, bonded over our cats (she has two, we have two) and matters ranging from spiritual to cultural to civic. Of course we didn't want to come off as "ugly Americans" so we kept apologizing out the wazoo for this and that but she was absolutely wonderful about everything. We also realized early on that we could crack her up. The first few times our daughter spurned us in favor of her ayeh, we loudly faked tears and stole a line from the Bugs Bunny cartoon, Gorilla My Dreams: "Waaaaa! My baby doesn't love me!" Sabrina howled every time and was soon imitating us. We told her how to find the cartoon on YouTube. And so it was that, when Sabrina left, Xiao-Ling didn't cry but her parents did.

Now we're at a VERRRR-ry nice hotel. Most adoptive families stay at the White Swan Hotel when in Guangzhou for their American Embassy appointments (you must check out the children's book The White Swan Express - it tells our story in a nutshell) but the White Swan is just finishing up some renovation processes so we're stuck in this five-star beauty at three-star prices. We'll get to visit the White Swan anyway for the official portraits of all the babies and new families -more about that later.

This morning at breakfast I tried dragon fruit. It's black and white and red all over (the outside is red, that is, and you're not supposed to eat it, but I tried before I found out otherwise; the inside is white with tiny edible black seeds) and quite delicious. Afterwards all the families got on a huge bus for Shaiman Island, where all the kids had their individual visa photos taken. We then went to Liwan Plaza, a huge round shopping mall, where you can shop for most of the usual stuff plus jade, amber, coral, lapis, pearls, gold and silver. We got Xiao-Ling a jade pendant and two traditional silver child bracelets with tiny bells on them, so you can always hear where your child is. Our guide Elsie told us that the inscription on one of the bracelets means lifelong peace. The inscription on the other bracelet means health and good fortune. Elsie asked us whether we had chosen the bracelets on purpose for their inscriptions; indeed we had not, but what more could we wish our little one? Our daughter carried a photo of her big brother in her overalls, and pulled it out for all and sundry to see, saying, "Wuo de Gur-Gur (This is my older brother)."

Tomorrow morning we board the bus at 8:30am for the childrens' medical exams. These are mostly to ensure that nobody has communicable diseases. Xiao-Ling will have a thorough appointment with our pediatrician two days after we reach home. After a delightful Cantonese lunch (where our daughter fell asleep at the table and the staff swathed her in softest blankets) we have spent the afternoon in the room. Our darling had a scrubbly bubbly bath with shampoo, where she played for an hour. For dinner we nibbled on chestnuts we bought at the Plaza (Xiao-Ling had instant noodles) and celebrated both Hanukkah and the return of our now clean laundry. Halleluyah!

Guangzhou

2007-12-08T16:48:00.000+08:00

Several days ago, Jacquie and I discussed that we count ourselves truly lucky to have experienced so many different regions of China, with varying customs, dialects, cuisine and geography. We have seen farmlands and cities, oceans and mountains, beaches and golf courses. We have seen farms from right out of a Pearl Buck novel and fast-paced cities that are well into the 21st century. This is our daughter's birthplace in all its glory.

We have left the island of Hainan and gone north to Guangzhou, where we will get our daughter an American visa and officially make her a citizen at the consulate here. Xiao-Ling approves of our room, and indeed has already declared her bed to be bounce-worthy. She also tried the pool with her mom, but it was too cold.

Guangzhou is in some ways the most "Westernized" city we've been to so far. McDonalds, 7-11's and Pizza Huts are in abundance here, catering to Westerners who cannot abide the thought of being away from American cuisine. On a walk near the hotel, I found several sidewalk vendors selling what looked suspiciously like chicken feet and duck bills, which I confess to be too cowardly to try without the support of my family. Maybe later.

While waiting for our flight at the Sanya airport this morning, I finally got my coconut. For 15 yuan (about $2) I bought a fresh-off-the-tree coconut. As I watched, the man at the bar bored a hole in it, inserted a straw and handed it over. Fresh coconut milk is truly delicious, sweet without being overpowering,

We have finally joined forces with the other CHI families, with their new children from all over China. All of them (the children, that is) are adorable infants, although we of course are proud enough to claim that our Xiao-Ling is the most adorable of the lot.

Tomorrow is a free day, and we get down to work with medical exams and consular paperwork on Monday.

A Day at the Beach and Happy News from CHI

2007-12-07T16:17:00.000+08:00

We had a free day today, so we spent the morning at the beach. Staring out over the South China Sea, we played in the surf, picked up shells, and just relaxed. While we were all standing on the shore, a Chinese man came up to us and noted that Xiao-Ling has black hair while I have red hair and Jacquie is blonde. Without missing a beat, I replied that our differences in hair color were due to "recessive genes."

Afterwards, we went back to the hotel and I indulged in a half-hour "fish massage." Basically, you get into a small heated pool along with thousands of small fish, who then spend time nibbling at various parts of you. It didn't hurt, but did kind of tickle.

When we got back to our room, we checked our E-mail and found ourselves mentioned in the CHI China program's newsletter:

Xiaoling and her new family from America

The Story of Xiao Ling starts from three years ago. A group of surgeons came to Beijing from Cedar Sinan Hospital in LA. They offered to help take one heart baby to US for surgery with no charge. Healing the Children arranged the escorting, etc. Our friend Eulilia arranged for us to get in touch of the group and we helped to find a cute little baby girl, Long Xiao Ling from Sanya to go the America. After the surgery, Xiao Ling was to come back to China, and her foster family in US made a special request: they wanted Xiao Ling to be cared for in Beijing, at our foster home instead of going back to Sanya welfare home. Of course, we were happy to so. Xiaoling was carried by a social worker Keever from LA off of the plane and came to CHI foster home in the winter of 2005. she was one of the early resident of our home! She could speak English and loved only American food first. But very shortly, she switched to all Chinese food and become part of the big family here. We waited and waited, hearing the foster family found a family for her and the family started the process shortly after she came back to China. Xiao Ling was told she would have a family from America to pick her up. She waited and waited, for two years. The big day was Dec 1st, 2007, Jacquelyn and Mark from NJ came to get Xiaoling. We had a party for them and celebrated Xiao Ling’s birthday early.

What surprised all of us is the way Xiaoling acted toward her new family! She run to them with arms wide open the moment she saw them. She called them Mama and Baba and smiled so big that everyone would just melt seeing her that day. She then refused to identify her bed to her new family and many times urged Jacquelyn” hurry up, let’s go!” She told director Wang, I have now my mommy and daddy! She hugged her little friends one by one and went with her daddy!

At the end of the party, the rest of the children realized what’s going on, they each wanted to be picked up and go with mommy and daddy, too. Little John sobbed as the car started to move, and Peter, Xiao Bai, Min Quan all cried and asked, “where are my mommy and daddy?”

There were no dry eyes at the site. Over and over, our children teach us what they need are their own families! Can we find them each a family? Even 7 year old boy XinLi who is loosing his sight slowly, and who is now on CHI waiting list?

That's pretty much how it went. If anyone out there has enough love in their heart to welcome a beautiful child into their family, or knows someone who wants to adopt one of these wonderful children, please contact Tina Qualls, CHI's China program director, at tina.qualls@childrenshope.net.

Addendum

2007-12-07T06:10:00.000+08:00

Hi folks. I just thought I'd clear up any confusion caused by our last post. Mark didn't post it; I did. Apparently I was logged on as him for some reason.

What I wanted to write before I fell asleep at the computer was that after our fabulous outdoor dining experience last night, Mark and I carried our be-sweatered daughter out onto the restaurant patio - it's kind of like a manmade jetty so that you can almost walk into the dancing fountains I mentioned earlier. We stood and watched them in their rainbow glory for a few minutes. It was as if they were welcoming our little girl and we told her so.

We'll have lots more to tell you this evening so ta-ta for now.

All of China at Her Feet

2007-12-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

Hello, everybodeeeeee...

Tonight for the first time, our little pipsqueak has allowed her dad to put her to bed - what a treat for him. Unfortunately she is hogging my bed so I think it's the rollaway for me. Oh well. Mark and Xiao-Ling are sound asleep which gives me time to put in my two cents.

We were pretty pooped physically and emotionally after this morning at the orphanage, and then the celebration lunch in town. So we took it easy in the room this afternoon and had a late supper. By this time it was dark and all the pool lights and fountains were on. We got a table outside and our daughter was as delighted as we were to watch the "dinner theatre" aspects of the sights and sounds on the water. Then our menus came - in Chinese and in Russian. This was a hoot for two reasons: Mark's ancestry is mostly Ukraine, and there is a huge Russian clientele in Sanya. I think we are the only non-Russian Caucasians there, and certainly the only Americans. So we burst into laughter and chortled "Wo men Mei Guo" (probably very bad Chinese for We're from the U.S.!) They fetched English/Chinese menus for us posthase.

Well, the waitresses couldn't get enough of our little lady. She was a huge hit. They fed her jasmine tea. They fed her boiled peanuts. They fed her some delicious noodles and wiped her perfect little lips after every bite. And she happily, calmly, naturally let them. The waitstaff did everything but chew her food for her, and every few bites she would bestow upon her subjects the widest grin she could muster. She got more attention than the pool fountains did.

Getting back to this morning - Sabrina had let us know earlier that, with only thirty kids at the Sanya orphanage and eleven aunties, the ratio was quite good for personal care for the children. However, on the way over there in the van, she warned us that our hearts would ache. She was right. I sat on the floor in the baby room and stroked the arm of one little fellow who was lying on a cushion. He began to howl and I was told he has cerebral palsy and fears strangers. He was eight months old and smaller than Harry was at 4 1/2 months.

Then a very little fellow was placed in my arms. He looked at me for all the world like he was trying to impress me with his great talents and strengths in spite of his size. We talked for a bit (well, I did) and rubbed noses. He, too, was eight months old and had weighed only a pound at birth, but he was clearly trying to say, "I'm still here and I'm not leaving quietly!" Sabrina translated for the aunties that his name is Dian-Dian (little spot) because of his birth weight. As if to contradict his physical boundaries, Dian-Dian then chose that moment to lift up his head - all by himself! I cooed praise for his special moment and promptly told the aunties that his nickname from me would be "Shtarker." I made muscles to demonstrate the meaning of the name and they nodded appreciatively.

Before we left we took a couple of group pictures of the bigger kids, some of whom remember Xiao-Ling. Some of them held up two arms, brandishing two "peace, Baby" symbols. I cracked the kids up by drawling, "I am not a crook!" whenever they did this.

I'm literally falling asleep over this so I'm gonna stop now. Tomorrow is a free day. We'll meet Sabrina for breakfast and then take our girl to Butterfly Cove. I can't wait to see a butterfly perch on that bonny wee nose!

>>snorrrrrrrrrr...<< style="font-style: italic;">Lailah tov, all.

Visiting the Orphanage

2007-12-06T17:38:00.001+08:00

At breakfast this morning and driving around Sanya, we became well aware that this is not just a resort town for Chinese nationals, but for Russians as well. Half the signs around our hotel are in Cyrillic, as well as a lot of signs in town. We saw Russians everywhere, and the most complicated Russian word I know is "мороженое" - ice cream. Not very useful. So we may not be the only Caucasians in town, but it's probably be a safe bet that we're the only Americans.

But today's big event is that we visited Xiao-Ling's former orphanage this morning, where she spent much of her early life. Meeting some of her friends and the "aunties" who cared for her, the visit was bittersweet to say the least.

As we went from room to room, meeting kids our daughter's age to younger kids to infants, I was overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. Sadness that anyone should have to go to an orphanage in the first place got all mixed up with relief that it was a good place as orphanages go, as well as a million other feelings. Looking at the kids abandoned for a whole slew of reasons, I found myself sobbing with a loving desire to adopt every single one of them, and sobbing with the realization that we can't. My head knew perfectly well what we could and could not realistically do, but my heart still had a ways to go.

After Jacquie mopped me up and my heart caught up with my head, the orphanage staff took us to lunch at a restaurant in Sanya. This was most definitely not the sort of restaurant frequented by tourists who play it safe from a culinary sense. No, this was real Sanya cuisine, and we were made aware of that fact right out front.

Yes, those are real fish in real fish tanks, which diners pick out individually. Our hosts selected a red snapper, which was cooked and brought to our table thusly:

On the one hand, the fish was delicious. On the other hand, it wouldn't stop looking at me. I swear it had a reproachful look on its face, telling us, "Why me? I have a wife and guppies at home."

The rest of lunch was face-free and ranged from a papaya soup to a tasty green vegetable to a rich beef-with-peppers mix, not to mention several other dishes. It was only when we were stuffed like geese that the meal ended.

We made a good impression on the staff - they see clearly that we love our daughter very much and would help all the children there if we could. I like to think we helped the cause of Chinese adoption today.

And finally - Happy Chanukah from China!

Road Trip!

2007-12-05T07:04:00.000+08:00

We are now in Sanya, a very nice resort town on the southern side of Hainan Island. This is where our daughter was born and where she spent the first two years or so of her life. Getting here from Haikou took about 4-5 hours by van, and it was fascinating all the way.

Once you get out of the cities, Hainan is largely covered with farms. The American concept of open space is mostly unknown here, and virtually every square meter of tillable land on both sides of the road is used for agriculture. Rice paddies, coconut groves, and fruit and vegetable fields of all kinds are everywhere. There was precisely one tractor we saw en route here. Everywhere else, water buffalo do the work of pulling plows and wagons as well as cropping the weeds and fertilizing the fields.

And speaking of fertilizer, we stopped at a gas station by the road for a pit stop. Anyone who is considering travel to China should be aware that while hotels and other establishments that cater to Westerners feature Western-style toilets, other places - how can I put this delicately - don't.

In a nutshell, unless you are (a) male and (b) standing up, using one of these things takes some dexterity.

Billboards along Chinese highways mostly sell cars and industrial equipment, but there was one that just floored me.

I know this is difficult to make out, but the billboard is selling Goat Placenta Wine. Really. It is apparently something of a local specialty, but I freely confess to be in no hurry to try out this one.

And on that note, it's time for dinner. I wonder what's on the wine list...

"A Boy for You; a Girl for Me..."

2007-12-04T12:41:00.000+08:00

It's legal! It's done! We are now a family of four. Long Xiao-Ling is now officially, legally and irrevocably our daughter and Harry's sister. If you're wondering why we aren't posting the Shuchat-Marx version of Xiao-Ling's name, it's because we are observing a tradition of many Jews who don't publicize their child's name until the b'rit milah (if it's a boy) or b'rit bat/naming ceremony if it's a girl. So you'll find out her full name (which will include Xiao-Ling) on or after January 20, the date of her naming at Temple Rodeph Torah.

We know that her original last name, "Long," means "dragon." Furthermore, she was born in the Year of the Horse, and there is a Chinese legend about "spirit of horse and dragon." We'd like to find out more about that tradition so we can wrap our daughter that positive image, among others.

Yesterday after arriving back to the hotel from the Department of Civil Affairs, we took a breather. Our daughter wrapped herself up in the window curtains (she likes to look out at the stunning view of Evergreen Park from the "tai-tai", as she calls the window sill) and began to sing a sweet little ditty to the words, "Wei, wei, wei (her version of tra-la-la)" in a flutelike soprano. It was soooooo sweet and Mark recorded it on his cel phone. She loves to listen to it over and over and over again and so do we. At the height of a good mood she will sing, either alone or with me, and it's heaven.

She understands everything we say to her in English but continues to answer us in toddler Mandarin. We know it's toddler because we can't find certain words in the dictionary, and when we later ask Sabrina to translate she looks at us like we're talking baby talk - which of course we are. She then tutors Xiao-Ling in diction, and we've jokingly told her not to let her get too good. As I type this, Xiao-Ling just said, "du-ah,du-ah" for the eleventeenth time. We can't find it in the dictionary and Sabrina doesn't know what it is. I guess it's just one of the many mysteries about our little beauty.

Mark just took out the sugarless gum and Xiao-Ling went over to him to ask him to give her a piece for Mama. What a love.

Tonight we are lighting candles for the first night of Hanukkah. We have asked Sabrina to join us and she has accepted. Sabrina has become a member of our family too.

Going Shopping

2007-12-04T04:45:00.001+08:00

I know I promised Jacquie could have the next crack at updating the blog, but I had to add this little bit. We went to Ever Green Park yesterday afternoon after lunch for a walk. Our little girl was tired of being cooped up and we don't blame her; she had a meltdown during lunch when I said it was time to stop playing with her coconut milk (very fresh, right off the tree) and start eating. (She did eventually forgive me for committing the cardinal sin of parenting - saying "no" - but it took a while.) She never did quite get to her lunch, but we took it back to our room and she devoured it for dinner.

After the park, we went to a department store a few doors down from our hotel to get Xiao-Ling some shoes. She actually does have shoes that she got from the foster care center, but we got her a pair of pink Disney sneakers and a pair of slightly more formal shoes for wearing around town.

The store was quite different from one in America - for starters, I have never been in a Sears where the kids' section overlaps with the lingerie section. We first saw the Barbie shelf amid racks of dainties, so our first reaction was to wonder just what kind of Barbie accessories they were selling here. After that got straightened out, it ended up being pretty amusing but still odd to see children's clothes and toys only a few feet away from a big poster of a woman modeling a bra and panties.

Another big difference is that when you buy something, you don't take items off the shelf and take them to a register to pay for them. Rather, after you pick the items you want, you get a slip which you take to a cashier. After you pay, the cashier stamps the slip, which you then take back to the department and retrieve your items.

The store also has a grocery section on the ground floor, so we picked up a few easy-make noodle soups for Xiao-Ling and a packet of powdered hot coconut drink for me. It's pretty good - we all had some and I definitely have to look for it when we get back to the States.

Today, we're going back to the Ministry to finalize the adoption. More to come!

Adoption Day, Phase I

2007-12-03T11:35:00.001+08:00

Quite a day so far here. We started with breakfast down in the hotel restaurant, and we have simply never had anything like it. From salted duck eggs to congee (rice porridge) with various additions to Korean pickles to chicken eggs hard-boiled in tea, it was all new and all delicious. Except for the duck eggs, which Xiao-Ling and I found too salty for our palates.

On the other hand, Jacquie loved them, calling them "the goat cheese of the egg world" and asking if we could get a duck when we get home.

From there, it was to the Hainan Ministry to begin the process of formally adopting our little girl. We had to sign a lot of papers, including one promising we would not abandon her after the adoption - it's sad that such a thing would be needed but it has apparently happened. We also had to send one back because the address was formatted incorrectly. We worked with a notary and several representatives from Xiao-Ling's former orphanage in Sanya, the same place we will visit later this week.

Before we went to a photo shop in town for a family portrait that will be included with the formal adoption papers, Jacquie and I were thumb-printed in bright red ink. Xiao-Ling, who has very tiny thumbs, had her whole hand printed.

We also learned of our daughter's origins. She was abandoned by her birth parents when she was about ten months old, with only a note giving her date and time of birth (December 27, 2002, between 9AM and 11AM) and a 20 yuan note (worth about $2.50). She was found by a man who wanted her for his own but could not take care of her due to his modest means and her health problems. And so she was taken to the orphanage in Sanya, and from there she went to Los Angeles on a Heal the Children visa to get medical treatment. That's when we learned about her and, well, the rest is history.

En route to the photo shop, the orphanage representatives passed around rice crackers to celebrate, and Jacquie and I regaled everyone with a rousing chorus of "Siman Tov u Mazel Tov."

Tomorrow morning, we're going back to the Ministry office to finalize the adoption, so she will forever be our daughter legally.

The X-Files, Continued

2007-12-03T04:02:00.000+08:00

We're in the Tropic of Cancer (oops, I first typed Tropic of Cantor) in the city of Haikou (pronounced high-KO) on the island province of Hainan off the southern coast of China. This is the island of our daughter's birthplace. It is also the southernmost part of the world we have ever visited, but that will change on Wednesday when we take a van to Sanya.

Mark and I have also recently been to the top of the world, literally - we took the Great Circle route in the plane from Newark to Beijing. When you fly West to go East, you go over the top of the North Pole. This route brings you to Asia sooner than flying laterally west. The only place farther north than that is the moon, I guess.

Anyway, back to Saturday. We got our excited but rather sleepy daughter back to the hotel and proceeded to get acquainted. She amused herself and us by turning all the lights on and off, massaging our hands with moisturizer, singing and dancing, and charming us in her deliciously sunny way. She loves to draw (and is good at it!) but when she started throwing the pens and paper around we knew it was nap time. Which led to her first meltdown with us.

As we petted her and hummed gently, she howled for her friends and her art supplies. Many tears of anguish fell down her lovely cheeks; clearly she had kicked off the mourning process for her old life. We'd been through it with Harry during his first two weeks with us, and we would see it through this time also. The fine line here is to let her know you're there with heaps of love, but to allow her to grieve as much as she needs to. If you stanch the tears, you cramp the soul and clot the healing process.

Eventually she and I fell asleep. I woke up five hours later next to a very limp, very cute bundle. Xiao-Ling is used to a tight schedule, but her life is changing now and she needs rest, so Mark and I chose to stick to our prime directive of "let sleeping babies lie." After she woke up we watched Chinese opera and ballet on TV and she was fascinated. Dinner was soup and salads from room service. Xiao-Ling insisted on serving herself, taking bowlful after bowlful of soup without spilling a drop. I can't do that with two good hands. She is amazing.

I'd conked out in the afternoon, so it was Mark's turn to conked out in the evening. Then it was girls' night in and I gave Xiao-Ling a shower bath. She protested with many squeaks of indignation when I lifted her into the tub, but as soon as she was clean and I started to drain the water, she sat down and began to play in it with a meltingly devastating smile. For the first time I got a full look at the surgery scar on her sternum. It's about six inches long and rather neat except for the very bottom which is slightly wavy in terms of skin texture. This little one has been through so much, but none of her scars are internal, thank God.

Xiao-Ling came to us wearing the clothes on her back, with her pajamas from the night before underneath. Although I put fresh underwear on her, I let her sleep in the pajamas she brought so that she would have a familiar bouquet in which to slumber. She got into the rollaway cot and indicated that I was to lie down with her. What a privilege. I gently opened the fingers of her left hand and massaged her limb as we launched into her first bedtime ritual as a Shuchat-Marx: songs (I See the Moon and Hush Little Baby), two books, plus the usual suspects: Bears in the Night, Goodnight Moon, (later we'll insert Michelle Shapiro Abraham's Laila Tov, as we did for Harry) and the bedtime Sh'ma. By the end she was fast asleep in my arms.

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe and Source of all creation - for delivering these parents safely into the arms of our child, and for delivering our child safely into the arms of her parents. Amen Selah!

Sunday morning Mark and I gazed at our still-sleeping pipsqueak. Today would involve lots of travel, but first a moment of peaceful thanksgiving. We were rewarded by the morning's kiss of our daughter unfolding herself gently from slumber. Gracefully, stunningly, simply exquisite, she stirred, opened her gorgeous eyes, rubbed them slightly and gave her BaBa a slow, sweet, sassy smile. We were undone.

After a lovely Scandinavian breakfast (punctuated by our daughter's tonic recipe from the Joy of Disgusting Cuisine), we checked out and met Sabrina downstairs for the ride to the airport. The flight to Haikou took about three hours. I think Mark and I were the only non-Asians on the plane. We boarded last and people couldn't help staring. To one inquisitive but friendly countenance I boasted, "Wuo de bao-BEY (My daughter!)" and earned a satisfied "OHH! xie-xie (thanks)."

[N.B . - I love the way "thank you" sounds in Chinese. As a child who was raised on please and thank you, and as a cat-lover, my ear picks up the word as similar to the chuckle of joy my Siamese cat Pyewacket makes when you scratch his back. By the way, for you cat-lovers out there, the Chinese word for cat is Mao and the sound it makes is...Mao-Mao.]

Hainan is subtropical and we were wearing winter coats because even if we could have checked them into lockers at Beijing's airport, we're not flying back into Beijing from Hainan and we'll need the coats in Guangzhou. Yuck. But it's lushly gorgeous with palm trees everywhere, and I mean it makes Florida look like a desert in that regard. By the time we got our luggage, met our driver and got to the hotel, it was about 7pm and time for a meltdown from the peanut gallery. She was tired of course, and did not want to be separated from her ayeh Sabrina, who had a room just across the hall. So off to dinner we went. I could watch her eat all day. How can anyone with such delicate dining maneuvers eat like such a longshoreman? And where in the hell does she put it all? This dichotomy is part of the never-ending surprise package that is our brand-new daughter.

Bedtime, though it started out stormy, ended up sweet. Again I was told to report to my station in the rollaway bed. Again we massaged each other's hands with moisturizer. I pretended to conk out with my face down on the blanket; she stroked my hair, lifted up my head, pushed my hair out of my face, opened my left eye and grinned at me.

It's almost time to wake up, but it's been worth it to get all this down. Incidentally, "No" is not her only English word. She says two other things: "Butterfly" and "I love you."

Going South (but Not for the Winter)

2007-12-03T03:22:00.001+08:00

We are now in Haikou, on the northern side of Hainan Province, off China's southern coast. It's very different from Beijing, as this city is visited mostly by Chinese nationals and virtually nothing here is in English. (If Sabrina from the agency were not traveling with us to help us handle everything and interpret for us, I think we'd manage to blunder our way into an international incident.) It's also known as a tourist mecca for said Chinese nationals, being filled with nightclubs and neon.

Our daughter was clearly concerned as we packed up this morning, probably wondering if we were about to go off and leave her behind. Of course, this was simply not happening. Jacquie was able to get some smiles out of her by playing ringtones on her cell phone, from "Spongebob" to the Hallelujah Chorus.

The flight from Beijing to Haikou was of course very different from an American flight - we've never flown on Southwest when the airline serves coconut milk and beef with rice. Xiao-Ling fell asleep in her mother's arms for an hour or two, then sat next to me for the remainder of the flight, devouring buns and most of my rice. We giggled as we ate lunch together, grinning at each other and rubbing our tummies.

Speaking of food, I think our daughter will be a chef, a chemist or both. At breakfast yesterday in Beijing, she had a merry time combining various liquids - water, milk, orange juice, soy sauce, you name it - into a glass and downing the lot. She also charmed the socks off everyone there, from other CHI families to the wait staff, whom she helped out by carting silverware and other table items over to them.

We find ourselves better connecting with Xiao-Ling almost continually. Our Chinese and her English are both virtually nonexistent, but we are able to get the point across by nonverbal cues, gestures, and so on. And in return, she tells us what she wants by context - for example, when she needs to use the bathroom and needs one of us to lift her onto the toilet.

This is not to say that we're totally linguistically at odds, as we've learned to recognize some Chinese phrases to determine what she is saying and her English is starting to come back. She's already told us the #1 kid word in America - "no."

Last night, we shared a meal at the hotel with Sabrina. Our young lady happily downed heaping quantities of noodle soup, papaya soup, beef with vegetables and warm coconut broth. She grandly declared "Xiao-Ling likes meat!" (We're not really sure just why she referred to herself in the third person, but we're not worried about it.) And it was kind of amusing for Jacquie and myself to receive silverware, even though we're both quite dexterous with chopsticks, while Sabrina and Xiao-Ling did not. Nevertheless, we demonstrated our talents ably, thereby possibly making ourselves a little less strange in our surroundings.

This morning, we will start the formal adoption process, which will take a couple of days. More to come!

What the Year of the Pig Brought

2007-12-02T07:11:00.000+08:00

Last night an angel fell asleep in my arms. >>Sighhhhh<<

Yesterday was unbelievable. At 8:36am we met Sabrina in the lobby (and were warmly informed, "You are six minutes late," - so much for being a yekke). The drive to CHI's foster care center was no less than a tour of typical everyday Beijing. As scene after scene of an Amy Tan novel unfolded before our eyes, we saw sidewalk snack kiosks; hordes of commuters on bicycles; architecture from all epochs and dynasties (didn't matter to me which was authentic and which was refurbished). Our first stop was to purchase snacks for the kids for a party they were having to celebrate Xiao-Ling meeting her new family, and to commemorate her departure, which we knew would be bittersweet. With Sabrina's help we chose some sweet, some crunchy, some gooey - all of which turned out later to be messy (that was probably the idea in the first place). All the while we were being filmed by Sabrina and our driver.

Presently we came to a neighborhood where all the houses were painted a vibrant shade of clementine. As a few neighbors and three dogs somberly looked on, we emerged from the van with our hearts beating loudly. Carrying a huge packet of baby wipes for CHI and a stuffed pig and Donkey (the latter from Shrek) for our daughter we cautiously, mindfully entered the courtyard where we would meet our daughter for the first time in all our lives.

Mark spotted her first. As I followed his gaze, a pair of huge dark eyes peered over the top of the screen door window. It was all we could see of her but we recognized her immediately, even in the swarm of children and caregivcers (called "ayeh" or aunties) that surrounded her. As we sank to our knees and dropped our bundles to open our hands to her, I could hear my mother's voice cautioning me from our last conversation, "Be gentle. Let her come to you." Then we both said her name and, with the speed of an antelope the door opened and she came running into her father's arms with a great big smile caroling, "BaBA! BaBA! - (Daddy, Daddy!)"

After those first magical moments with the love of her life, she released him from her hug around his neck and turned to me. I murmured, "Wo shi ni de Mama" (I am your Mama) as she fell into my arms with a laughing cry of "Mama!" It was like hugging a sunbeam when the sunbeam can hug back. She is, as the song goes, "as graceful as a grouse" - and as strong as an ox. Then she hauled us to our feet (yes she did!) and beckoned us to come inside. She insisted on Mark carrying her and he happily complied.

Entering the house took forever because everyone was so excited to see us that the doorway was blocked with happy people, both big and little. Some of the wee ones had already run up to us to check out the snack provisions and we'd let them carry some of the loot inside for us (in this case, both host and guest thought they had the better end of the deal). Off came the shoes (no problem for this Tennessee hillbilly) and in we went. As we beheld the party decorations, Xiao-Ling directed our attention to the gold banners festooning the ceiling from wall to wall in every angle that crossed the room. She wanted to make sure we liked them, and we did.

Immediately a huge, low table of goodies was carried in by two or three ayehs. Someone else came in with an enormous cake box. None of the kids got in the least bit excited (that last sentence was a big fat lie). We were still in a daze as we sat on the floor behind our daughter's seat as she handed us cookies, clementines, and crackers. Other kids did the same. There is a huge element of hospitality in Asian greeting from cradle on up (btw we recalled that, when we were in the process of adopting Harry, we learned that the traditional Korean greeting, no matter what the relationship, actually means, "Have you eaten well today?"

So as we sat being royally served by enthusiastic two-to-five year olds, we feasted solely on the sight and sounds of children falling on a feast of sweets. Xiao-Ling finally handed me a wrapped sweet and asked, "Da puh te?" (Open this please?) With pleasure! Then she made the same request as she handed me a thimble-sized container of a gelatin snack. After I got the lid off, she grabbged my hand and deposited the contents square in the middle of my palm. Still grasping my hand she bent over it and slurped up the sweet stuff in one efficient, Hoover-esque galoop. This was even better than when the lorikeets ate nectar out of my hands at Butterfly World in Florida (no offense to Mark's grandparents intended)!

By this time a lot of American volunteers were trooping in for the festivities. With them came Melody Zhang, co-founder of CHI. Sabrina had already asked us if we would make a speech (which she would translate) for everyone present. She also asked if I would sing. The chattery room grew quiet as I serenaded with, "Getting to Know You," from the King and I. Then I asked whether the childrfen would sing. Immediately they launched into something with their aunties that had the tune of "Shalom Chaveirim." When Melody translated it for us, we knew its Mandarin text was identical to the Hebrew one.

Then our daughter began to sing all by herself. We were caught up in our own special paradise as she relaxed in my lap, gave her father one of those devastating smiles, and began to sing a folk song about "there is no love like Mama." She put every ounce of her soul into it. Since no one wears shoes inside, she also likes to bond physically by stepping all over our feet when she's maneuvering in or out of a lap. It doesn't hurt at all and feels like holding hands (only it's feet).

All of this went on for quite some time, followed by the tour of the facility that Mark mentioned earlier. What he didn't say was that a certain princess made him carry her everywhere we went, as she declared to everyone over and over that we were her parents ("Wuo de BaBa, Wuo de Mama!") The reason Xiao-Ling had to urge me to hurry up and get ready to leave was that I was being dressed by a couple of the babies. This is true - they had brought my sneakers (probably thought they were gunboats) and refused to let me put them on; no, they themselves had to untie them and put them on my feet themselves. Then after I tied them, they had to untie them for me so I couldn't go. Oh, my heart.

There were gifts galore - photo albums signed by (or on behalf of) every child and auntie; a soft fuzzy blanket from the volunteers; clothes of course...

When the aunties bade her an emotional farewell, she staunchly said, "I won't cry." Then she once again made her father carry her in triumph (like he objected!) as the entire entourage followed us to the van with a crooning processional chorus of "Hau hau Mei-Mei" (yes, yes, little sister). It was very difficult to see everyone crying as they waved goodbye. We promised that we would send pictures, emails, and lifelong correspondence. Xiao-Ling has a new family now, but so do we - and we will see to it that she never loses touch with them.

Update and Photos

2007-12-01T19:21:00.000+08:00

Jacquie and Xiao-Ling are fast asleep, worn out by the emotions of the day. Our daughter pitched a small fit before falling asleep, insisting "wa hua-hua" ("I want to draw" - she's very artistic!) over and over again before eventually succumbing to the sandman's wiles. They've been sleeping now for almost five hours. On the one hand, we'd like to get her up to give her dinner and not completely wreck her schedule. But on the other hand, it's been a very big day, so we might as well let her sleep.

We're also pretty sure she fought sleeping so hard because she was grieving the loss of her friends from the foster care center. It's actually standard in adoptions; when Harry came home, he cried a lot for about two weeks before he made the adjustment. Xiao-Ling knew for some time she'd be going with us, and even gave goodbye hugs to all the other kids before we left, but grieving is still to be expected.

Many of the center's foreign volunteers came to the party and all of them gushed over how wonderful our daughter is. She actually had some anxiety when they all started to leave, worrying that we'd be leaving too. We hugged and kissed her and told her in no uncertain terms that we weren't going anywhere without her.

Now that I have a chance, here are some of the photos taken with our camera from this wonderful morning. (The whole thing was also filmed, and we will receive a DVD from the agency when it's ready.)

Xiao-Ling feeding her mom a chocolate-covered breadstick
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The perfect hostess, cutting the cake for everyone

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A mother and her wonderfully messy daughter
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Father and daughter, happy together
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Party time!

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A million-dollar smile
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Tomorrow, we head for Haikou, on the northern coast of Hainan Island, to adopt her formally. More to come!

Meeting Harry's Mei-Mei

2007-12-01T13:26:00.000+08:00

We are now parents for the second time. We went to our agency's foster care center this morning and met Xiao-Ling, our daughter. She is with us now, looking at the photos on our camera and playing with her mom as I type this.

We took a van from our hotel to the center after breakfast. When we got there, we looked at the kids coming out to greet us - and then our daughter saw us from the doorway. Her eyes lit up, she ran over to us with a big grin and practically jumped into my arms as we fell to our knees. After she gave me a big hug, she turned to Jacquie and did the same, all the while jabbering in Chinese that her "mama" and "baba" were finally here. Like her mom and dad, she has been waiting for this day for a very long time.

We called Harry at his aunt and uncle's house and he delightedly exclaimed, "I can't believe you got my baby sister!" She said into the phone, "wo eye ni, guh-guh" ("I love you, big brother") and we could hear him melt halfway around the world. He can't wait for us to come home.

The center staff threw a party for the kids, all nine of them. By the time it was over, the kids were all smeared with cake and the room was gloriously messy. A good time was had by all. She led us upstairs to the room she shared with several other kids, although she refused to admit that her crib-like bed was hers.

It was, however, somewhat bittersweet - our hearts went out to all the kids there and we wanted to bring them all home. When we left after about three hours, Xiao-Ling was literally telling us to hurry up, she wanted to go with us right now. As I put our bags back together, adding in some photos and a kids' backpack given to her by the staff, one boy pointed at me and said "baba." He wanted to know why Xiao-Ling was able to get parents this day and he could not; my heart almost broke.

But now we are back in our hotel room. She was not pleased to see the roll away bed - like her brother, she would rather sleep in our bed than her own. We are talking with her and learning all about each other. We already know she's a neat freak, cleaning her face and tidying up at every opportunity. She's even done a pretty darn good job at brushing her teeth. (Are you reading this, Harry?)

We also know a few very important Chinese phrases, such as "wo ei leh" ("I'm hungry"), "wo kun le" ("I'm sleepy"), "wo yao niao-niao" ("I need to go to the bathroom") and "wo d'ye-d'ye" ("I can do it"). We're connecting almost moment by moment, but now it's time for a nap. More, including photos, to come.

Jet Lag and First Impressions

2007-12-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

NASA controller #1: Is it AM or PM?
NASA controller #2: AM. Very, very AM.

From the movie Apollo 13

It's 12:40AM Saturday morning here in Beijing, and I can't sleep. We both crashed and slept hard for about 4-5 hours after we got to our room (so much for Shabbat services tonight!) and now I'm wide awake. I don't know whether it's jet lag - after all, my body still thinks it's 11:40AM Friday - or I'm too excited about finally meeting our daughter, or both.

In any event, Beijing is quite a place. It's very big, very crowded and very sprawled out. Once we got our passports stamped and got our bags, we met Sabrina from CHI as promised in front of the KFC and Starbucks. Yes, I know - we fly halfway around the world and we see the same things we do at home!

We have our bag packed for taking to the foster care center - paperwork, baby wipes (they're unavailable in China) for the center staff, and a couple of stuffed animals for our little one!

ni hAO? from Beijing

2007-11-30T17:59:00.001+08:00

Well, we made it! Our guide and translator, Sabrina Zhou, met us after we got through customs. For all who have been following our blog, Mark's nightmare did not come true; there was only one Starbucks and only one KFC (though it sells something called Nine Lives juice; as cat lovers we definitely do NOT want more details on that one) and sure enough, Sabrina was waiting there with her sign. She spotted our buttons and identified us at once. We waited as one more family came through to join us.

Gene and Lisa are from Nashville, so I get to speak East Tennessee-ese with them. They've been through this before and have returned with their daughter Madison, who was born in Nanjing, to meet and bring home their new daughter, who is seven months old (also in Nanjing). Sabrina got us all into a van cab (like an Israeli sherut). So here we all are at the SAS Radisson.

Tomorrow morning we will meet Sabrina in the lobby at 8:30am and go directly to meet our daughter! Sabrina saw Xiao-Ling this week and reports that our daughter is thrilled with our pictures and cannot wait to meet us! Our little girl showed Sabrina the photo album we sent her and said, "This is my mommy and daddy!"

Well, we were just about to die right then and there. We didn't things could possibly get any more exciting until tomorrow, when Sabrina handed us the following written description of our little girl. Brace yourself:

About Long Xiao-Ling

Xiao-Ling is very smart and cute. She loves to tidy things up and is very careful about self sanitation. She loves music, watching TV, drawing pictures and playing toys by herself. When she is in [a] good mood, she is willing to perform singing songs for others.

She can count from 1 to 20 and she wants to do whatever is beyond her ability;p for example, dressing herself (doesn't know how to button), making bed, washing faces, brushing teeth. She is always ready to help younger ones.d

She understands things so well. We explained to her that for her own benefit, she needs to do exercises with her left limbs. She will use right hand to open left hand to practice.

She is easy-going too. She is open to volunteers and gets everyone's attention and love. We all love her very much. She needs physical therapy and practice for her left limbs.

At that point we were ready to defy gravity. Gene and Lisa understood. Lisa said, "Tomorrow you're gonna be tore up from the floor up!"

We already are.

At the Airport

2007-11-29T23:00:00.000+08:00

Mark: Well, here we are at the Presidents Club at Newark Airport, blogging via a wireless Internet connection.

Jacquie: Where are all the presidents?

Mark: I think they're all wheeling and dealing on their laptops.

Jacquie (singing): I'm a-leavin' on a jet plane...

Mark (shooting her a very dirty look, and continuing in the same tune): Oh, please don't sing that song again!

Jacquie: Stay tuned!

A Very Small Jew in the Lotus

2007-11-29T08:31:00.000+08:00

OK, so we're officially in labor now! Still so much to do, to pack, to check and recheck. Lots of folks at work ask, "you're back already?" I say, "I haven't left yet; you just saw me yesterday!" Oh well...

This little girl of ours has brought so many people together, and she's not even in our arms yet. We've received so many calls and emails as a result of my posting the news of our impending departure to my professional listserv - and that was just today! Getting ready for her has been like peeling back the petals of a very big lotus. Just when you think you're at the center, there are more layers to get through. And amid all the hubbub, there she waits - the dewdrop in the middle of the lotus. Is she calm? Is she impatient? The answer, my friends, is thirteen hours ahead of New Jersey time.

One Day Left

2007-11-29T04:42:00.001+08:00

Well, our bags are 99% packed; we just have to fit in some toys for Xiao-Ling and we'll be ready to go. Our flights are confirmed, our passports are accessible, our iPods are charged and filled with music. Yes, after a very long process, it's all coming down to this. We fly to China tomorrow morning and, G-d willing, everything will go smoothly. Harry misses us and we miss him, but he's having a terrific time and we'll be back before he knows it.

More blogging tomorrow from the airport!

Heeeeere's Mommy!

2007-11-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

Good morning everyone. It's quite unlike me to refrain from putting in a good word but I'm not as computer-savvy as my worthy spouse, so this is my first blog posting ever. Shehechiyanu...

Can't decide what's more chaotic: the rushing-around prior to departure or the rushing-around we've been doing for more than two years to make this dream come true. I've threatened to re-name our daughter "Jumbo" because she's taken almost as long as an elephant to get here. Actually, her suitcase isn't quite fully packed. It's full of lovely warm clothes from her grandma in Seattle, but we realized within the past week that she'll need summery things too, for our time in Hainan. Believe it or not, I managed to find her a couple of bathing suits in the store yesterday, along with a cute little cover-up.

People are always saying that we're doing a really good thing, but I'm rather uncomfortable with that assessment. We're just trying to become parents for the second time, and this is the path to parenthood for us. Personally, I've always felt that parenthood is a potentially selfish road to travel; after all, kids don't ask to be born. They don't ask to become your child. Harry was just four and a half months old when he came to us so he could acclimate quickly. Xiao-Ling has been alive for nearly half a decade and is accustomed to the people, places and things she knows. And so the thing I'm most nervous about is this: I hope she likes us. I hope we don't scare her just by the fact of our existence. I hope, I hope, I hope...

Harry-Less

2007-11-27T01:29:00.001+08:00

Harry is safely ensconced at his aunt and uncle's house and having the time of his life. He is already having burping contests with his cousin Jake and will start playing the drums (probably very loudly) after school. We miss him terribly and can't wait to be back with him again. Then again, when we called him this morning he was already watching SpongeBob SquarePants, so he might not be too eager to come home... :-)

The day after Thanksgiving, I made him dinner consisting of leftover turkey, potatoes and steamed broccoli - his favorite vegetable, which he calls "trees." He devoured the broccoli, ate a bit of the potatoes, picked at his turkey and then asked for dessert. I was thus in the utterly surreal position of telling him that he could not eat only broccoli while leaving the turkey alone, after which he finished off the turkey while shooting me a couple of dirty looks. That's our boy!

With three days to go, all the paperwork is securely tucked in an accordion file, our flights are confirmed, and we have nothing more to do other than pack for ourselves - Xiao-Ling's suitcase is ready to go.

I Must Be Anxious

2007-11-25T11:30:00.001+08:00

With just five days to go until we leave for China (well, four and a half, since it's Saturday evening) people are now asking whether I'm feeling anxious about all this. Considering I had my first travel-related dream a a few days ago, I'd say the answer is "yes."

Our agency gave us lapel buttons so our travel coordinator can recognize us, and said she will meet us at the Starbucks in the Beijing airport terminal. (Yes, I know, they're everywhere.) In my dream, we got off the plane and walked into the terminal area, only to see that every store in the terminal was a Starbucks. We ran around in a total panic just in time for me to wake up.

I don't have to be Freud to figure this one out - this is a huge event, and I am naturally concerned that everything go smoothly. Of course, the people at our agency have been handling Chinese adoptions for years and are old hands at this by now, so they've seen pretty much anything that can possibly happen.

getting harry's room ready too!

2007-11-24T01:17:00.000+08:00

while mum and da are trotting 'round china...harry will be staying with his big cousin jake and his aj & uj....we are scurrying to get his room ready...big boy bed! books! stuff! and a welcome sign!!!

we have several "classes" lined up for mr.h during the week (with kids his own age) and we are also trying to clean out the basement for the ping pong table that jake built in anticipation of prince harry's arrival!

while it ain't china, we in cortlandt manor are also looking forward to a certain person's arrival...and we will bribe him with whatever we can so he feels like the special guy he is!!! like being grandparents - you can do these things and then the boy goes home and the parents have to deal with the consequences!!

i must confess that it is in my own family's often told stories how i "acted out" when i was dropped off at my grandmother's during the birth of my sister!!!

we promise to treat the "big brother" with all the rights and privileges that come with the territory...

love,
aayjay

Eight Days to Go

2007-11-21T23:19:00.001+08:00

Eight days to go until we leave for China and still no home-study addendum. I called the social-worker agency and informed them in no uncertain terms that if the addendum isn't in our hands by the 29th, "we're screwed." They will FedEx it overnight, so I'm hoping we'll get it Friday morning.

Well, it wouldn't be a blessed important event without some last-minute scrambling, would it? Hopefully, this is it.

UPDATE: The addendum finally arrived today - a full week after it was sent Priority Mail. (Well, that's the post office for you.) We now have every piece of paper in place and we're good to go.

Room Readiness, More Developments, and Random Thoughts

2007-11-20T22:49:00.001+08:00

After a lot of work, our daughter's room is finally 100% ready! All the boxes of books have been removed and shelved, her dresser is getting some clothes in it, she has nice warm flannel sheets on her bed, and her bookshelves are filled with fun books from I Love You Like Crazy Cakes to Walter the Farting Dog.

With nine days to go, we have still not received our home-study addendum specifically clearing us to adopt Xiao-Ling. We talked with the social-work agency yesterday and was told it was sent out priority mail a week ago - and that we are the fourth family to have this same problem. (It seems they're having some issues with their mail service.) If needed, the social worker who did our home-study will FedEx the documents to us directly.

We're also reading Our Own, a book about adopting and parenting older children. It's something of a harrowing read, as it details the many problems that can result when raising institutionalized kids. We know a lot of it does not apply to us since Xiao-Ling is not institutionalized in the accepted sense of the word (she currently lives in CHI's Beijing foster-care center) but it still makes an impact. It will certainly be different than raising Harry, who arrived when he was just 4½ months old - after all, our daughter will have her 5th birthday just two weeks after we get home.

I'm also wondering what will happen when Christmas comes around and she sees no tree and no decorations. I'm putting in a call to CHI to see if they celebrate Christmas at the foster-care center and how we can manage her expectations. We will be celebrating Chanukah with her in China, as it runs from December 4-12 this year. Hopefully, she'll enjoy it.

UPDATE: CHI says China does not celebrate Christmas (or indeed any Western holidays) the way it's celebrated here in the US, so Xiao-Ling won't look up at the roof and ask where Santa will park his sleigh.

Fingerprints Cleared!

2007-11-20T00:23:00.001+08:00

USCIS has sent our (re)fingerprints to the American Consulate in Guangzhou and received confirmation of same, so that's done. The only item we're waiting for is the updated home study specifically approving us to adopt Xiao-Ling, and we hope that will arrive in today's mail.

On the technological front, we won't have to buy any voltage converters, as both our laptop and my sleep-apnea machine can run off the 220-volt power supply used in China with no problems. All we have to get are a couple of adapters to make the American plugs fit into the Chinese sockets.

Ten days to go...

Scheduling and More Papers

2007-11-16T23:05:00.001+08:00

We received the final travel packet from CHI with an updated checklist of papers to take with us, tipping guide and important paperwork.

A possible snag, though, is that we have not yet received written confirmation from USCIS that our fingerprints were updated and cleared by the FBI. The travel coordinator at CHI told me over the phone that written confirmation is not needed, but the checklist says it is. So, just in case, we called our Congressional representative's office yesterday afternoon and they will lean on USCIS to get us that paper.

We have already scheduled Xiao-Ling's formal conversion to Judaism at a mikvah (a Jewish ritual bath) in Teaneck for December 17, the Monday after we get home. We have also scheduled her public naming at our temple for Sunday, January 20, the day before Martin Luther King's birthday.

13 days to go...

A New Desk - and Our Itinerary!

2007-11-13T01:41:00.001+08:00

Xiao-Ling's room is 99% complete - she now has a desk, a wonderful gift from her foster family when she was in Los Angeles for medical treatment 2 1/2 years ago. All that's left to take out are a few boxes of books, and those will go on an (as yet unbuilt) bookshelf.

But we now have our itinerary for when we go to China! Beijing to Haikou to Sanya to Guangzhou to Beijing and from there back home. We've also done some Googling and found a synagogue in Beijing - Kehillat Beijing - for Shabbat services on 11/30 and 12/14.

18 days to go...

Fingerprints Redux

2007-11-09T01:21:00.001+08:00

USCIS says our (re)fingerprints were cleared by the FBI and a cable to this effect is on its way to the American Consulate in Guangzhou. Only 21 days to go...

Photo Albums and Phirst Class

2007-11-05T22:46:00.001+08:00

With less than four weeks to go until we go get our daughter, we put together a photo album with pictures of us, Harry, the cats, and our house so she knows what we look like. (Hopefully, she won't go "eeew!") Jacquie wrote loving captions for the photos and we sent it off to CHI for translation into Chinese and forwarding to Beijing. We made another copy of the album sans translation to bring with us to China.

And speaking of going to China, we are now officially in First Class (seats 5A and 5B, to be exact) for the Newark-to-Beijing flight. So not only do we get to enjoy creature comforts (and the food!) during the flight, but we get to hang out in the Presidents Club lounge before both flights!

Going Down the Checklist

2007-10-29T21:24:00.001+08:00

When we do go to China, there's a very long list of documents and other items we have to take with us, from a copy of our home study to copies of our passport and visa pages, and so on. Everything on the list is now checked off except for a few items we have yet to receive from CHI and USCIS. Progress, progress!

Sibling Difficulties

2007-10-27T02:09:00.001+08:00

In the midst of all the activity involved in getting his sister home, Harry's feelings have been all over the place. Today, he came home from school with the second teacher report in two days - he knocked over another kid's blocks, wouldn't listen, and so on. When we read the report, we took away his bedtime stories and computer/TV privileges for the day. He was not happy about it and acted out to the point where we sent him upstairs to his room, where he spent some time crying before he fell asleep.

So I just came downstairs from talking about it with him. He admitted to being worried over Xiao-Ling's arrival and not being the only child anymore. I told him that he will always be our son and will always be special, and having a daughter will never change that. He seemed to accept that and is in a much better mood - for now.

Fingerprinted, Again

2007-10-25T02:02:00.001+08:00

We're back from Newark, where we participated in a merry paper chase that took us to two buildings, three USCIS offices, several staffers and, for all we know, a partridge in a pear tree. But they took our fingerprints and the new prints should be sent to the American consulate in Guangzhou next week or so. Crisis averted, we hope.

In other travel news, we have officially booked our flights to and from China:

Going:
Continental CO89
Leaves Newark Thursday 11/29/07 12:15PM
Arrives Beijing Friday 11/30/07 3:00PM

Coming home:
Continental CO88
Leaves Beijing Saturday 12/15/07 5:00PM
Arrives Newark Saturday 12/15/07 5:40PM

Unfortunately, we are wait-listed to get into first class, even with our frequent-flier miles. Hopefully, a couple of people will change their minds about this flight so we can take their places.

Travel Dates (We Hope) and Creature Comforts

2007-10-22T21:57:00.001+08:00

We're going to the USCIS' Newark office Wednesday morning to get re-fingerprinted, but in the meantime, we have our travel dates to China. We're scheduled to leave Newark on Thursday, November 29, returning Saturday, December 15. And we have enough frequent-flier miles on Continental to fly to China first class! (En route to home, however, the three of us will fly coach.) The list of creature comforts is truly impressive, from the seat and entertainment to the menu to everything in between. Too bad the flight is only thirteen hours...

Visas, Part 2, Travel Dates and PANIC!!!

2007-10-20T04:51:00.001+08:00

The good news:

China approved our visas and Jacquie picked them up from the consulate in NYC this morning.
CHI confirmed our travel dates: November 29-December 14.

Now the bad news: our fingerprints, which were taken by the US Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS) back in May 2006, expired in August, and we can't bring our daughter home without current fingerprints. (Silly me, I thought our fingerprints never changed. Apparently, I am mistaken.)

So we have to get re-fingerprinted. We've spent a lot of time on the phone with USCIS, with CHI, and with our Congressman's office, attempting to get the process expedited as much as possible. We're going back to the Newark office first thing Wednesday morning to get this done again. Here's hoping they process it pretty darn quick.

Home Study Addendum Needed

2007-10-19T00:46:00.001+08:00

Back when we started the process to adopt our daughter and our original home study was done, we lived in a small apartment. When we moved to our present house, we got an addendum done to reflect that. And now that China has officially asked us to adopt Xiao-Ling, we have to get another addendum to reflect that. We hope it won't take too long...

Getting the Visas, Part 1

2007-10-17T01:56:00.001+08:00

We went through the first part of getting our visas for China this morning. All in all, it wasn't too terrible - just driving into NYC, passing various demonstrators in front of the consulate, and going inside to file our paperwork. Since the consulate takes several days to process visa requests, Jacquie will go back on Friday morning to pick them up.

Travel Dates (Tentative) and More News

2007-10-14T12:18:00.001+08:00

We have tentative travel dates to China, leaving on or about Thursday, November 29 (the week after Thanksgiving) and coming home around December 14. Looks like we'll go to Beijing first to pick up our daughter from CHI's foster center, Haikou (on Hainan Island off the country's southern coast) to finalize her adoption, the US consulate in Guangzhou to get her an American visa, and then home.

We also found out that we will not be able to post to the blog directly while in China because the Beijing government blocks all access to Blogspot! We're pretty sure we'll have access to E-mail while we're over there, though - I don't think China blocks our E-mail domain. So we're planning a workaround - E-mail dispatches and photos back to the US and have them posted to the blog stateside. Should work.

And speaking of computers, we don't even have to buy an international power supply for our on-loan laptop; Toshiba verified that the laptop is designed to handle up to 240 volts, which is the electricity standard in China. We only have to get an adapter to make the laptop plug fit into the Chinese socket.

We also got a dresser for Xiao-Ling's room - believe it or not, we were driving home tonight and saw it at the side of the road! I checked it over and found the only problems were cracks in a couple of the drawers. Nothing too terrible to fix, but the previous owner apparently didn't want to take the time. So we loaded it into the car, brought it home and got it upstairs to its proper place in her room. (The cracked drawers are sitting on my workbench being mended with nails and superglue.) The only thing now missing in her room is a desk, and we hope to find one before we go.

More details as they come in...

Getting Her Room Ready

2007-10-10T21:46:00.001+08:00

Harry and I have been getting Xiao-Ling's room ready for her arrival in December. We built her bed and her bookshelf together, and last week when we went to his school's book fair, he picked out a couple of posters for her room. One has two puppies with the words "Puppy Love" and the other has a yawning kitten with the words "It's hard work being this cute." He even helped me put them up. (He also got a Spider-Man poster and a Ferrari poster for his own room.)

We're still looking for a dresser and desk, though; hopefully, we can find them before we go to China. CHI is sending us a packet of travel and visa information we can use to plan our trip. Right now, our daughter is in Beijing at CHI's foster care center and not in the orphanage on Hainan Island where she spent her first couple of years.

More to come!

It's Official

2007-10-05T21:44:00.000+08:00

After all these months of waiting, we finally received the official letter from China, asking if we want Xiao-Ling Long to be our daughter.

(Click on the image to view it full-size.)

We of course said "heck yeah!" and sent it back to the agency Next Day Air. So we can now call her by her full name, put her photo on the blog, and so on.

So now what? CHI told us that we can expect to travel to China in December, so we're working with them to get our travel arrangements in order. It's going to be quite a trip - she's at CHI's foster care center in Beijing. We also have to go to her old orphanage on Hainan Island (off the south coast of the country, near Vietnam) to do all the adoption paperwork and the American consulate in Guangzhou to process her into the country as a new citizen.

There is, of course, a bump in the process. To our brief horror, we found that when INS took our fingerprints last year, they were good only for 15 months - and they expired in August. Fortunately, CHI told us this happens a lot and all we have to do is renew them by mail.

More to come!

Progress at Last!

2007-10-05T00:08:00.001+08:00

We finally received the official referral from China asking if we want Xiao-Ling Long as our daughter - as if there were ever any doubt! More details to come later...

Still Waiting

2007-09-12T23:22:00.001+08:00

This is incredibly frustrating - in early August, we were told we'd get the letter from China "in three weeks" and still nothing. It's like the emotional roller-coaster we were on when we adopted Harry five years ago, with ups and down, twists and turns.

Harry, for his part, loves roller coasters. When we went to Six Flags Wild Safari this past Sunday, we enjoyed the animals and our car survived an ostrich trying to eat it.

Harry, of course, only had eyes for Nitro, a coaster that goes about two hundred feet straight up and two hundred feet straight down. Just looking at it made our stomachs whimper in terror. Proving we are old fogies, Jacquie and I steadfastly refuse to go anywhere near the thing, and make it very clear that he will go on it only when he's big enough to go on by himself.

In the meantime, Xiao-Ling's room continues to take shape. Harry and I built her bookshelf and began stocking it with overflow books from the shelf in his room. We're looking for a dresser and desk and will get sheets for her bed as soon as we get the word from China - whenever that is.

More as it develops...

A Few Changes

2007-09-06T04:05:00.000+08:00

Our agency, Children's Hope International in St. Louis, has told us that we can't use Xiao-Ling's photo or put in anything identifying about her until we get the official letter from China and we have officially replied that we do indeed want her as our daughter. So I did a little scrubbing and CHI says the blog is now good to open up to the world.

I was looking at the official CHI blog and it has an entry on the PBS show Arthur. It seems that the character of Binky is not only getting a little sister on this Friday's episode, she's being adopted from China! I told Harry about it and said I want to see the show with him, only to have him waver between not wanting to see it at all and not wanting to see it with me.

And speaking of Harry, he just came in and wanted to add a few words:

i love mei-mei and frogs and everything

He's feeling a little conflicted about this whole process, which is understandable. He's getting a little sister but at the same time he will no longer be the only child in our family. We have been talking with him and trying to get him involved as much as possible. We built his sister's bed together and will build her bookshelf together as well.

More to come...

A Blog Begins

2007-09-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the "Bringing Xiao-Ling Home" blog! As we go to and travel throughout China to bring our daughter Xiao-Ling home, this will chronicle our journey for the benefit of family, friends, colleagues and others who want to follow along. We'll keep it updated as much as we can with text and photos.

So what's happening right now? Well, we renewed our passports - and a big shout out to the staff at Rep. Rush Holt's office, who no doubt helped to cut the turnaround time to only ten days from mailing to receipt - got our travel guide and are getting an idea of our itinerary.

What we're waiting for now is the referral - the official document that asks if we want to adopt her as opposed to someone else. (Fat chance!) Our adoption agency says we should get it soon, and we are waiting with bated breath. Once we actually get the referral, we can get our visas from the Chinese consulate in New York and make our travel plans. We've already learned that Continental flies nonstop from Newark to Beijing and back, which will make things easier.

More updates as they happen!